tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70344833371032183642024-02-20T14:53:35.426-05:00Voice of a NerdFionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.comBlogger157125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-70106492239336555192014-10-19T21:57:00.000-04:002014-10-19T21:57:33.169-04:00I'M APPLYING TO COLLEGE NOW<br />
i knew it was going to be stressful but oh god what if they don't like me what if they think i'm boring or i'm trying too hard or my love for the things i do doesn't come across or i forget to send one of the fifty things they ask for or what if i accidentally fill something out wrong oh god i'm panicking i just really really want to get an education and i'm so grateful i'm able to but oh my god i didn't expect the process to be so personal and dig so much into my insecurities IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS<br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-74218228728177399562014-07-03T17:48:00.002-04:002014-07-03T17:48:49.872-04:00SUMMER.I love summer vacation.<br />
It's basically this big two-month block of time that school throws at you and says "Here! Have this ridiculous amount of free time, it's on us!"<br />
<br />
The experience leading up to summer vacation is a lot like online shopping when you order an particularly large package filled with clothes and food and whatever else you wanted. You relentlessly track it online as it moves from USPS station to USPS station across the country, waiting and waiting for it to finally be here. (Unless you have Amazon Prime, in which case you get two-day priority shipping, you lucky dog)<br />
But when it's finally here, it is <i>amazing</i>. <br />
<br />
I love the freedom of summer too.<br />
During the summer I can either spend a day at the beach or go out and be productive or hang out with friends, or I can sit at home binge watching Gossip Girl and bad rom coms while eating Ben & Jerry's.<br />
And nobody can judge me for it because that's what summer is all about. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-35524801796312056792014-05-26T18:38:00.000-04:002014-05-26T18:42:55.995-04:00looking back on my experience as a blogger. Hi again! (Does anyone even remember me to begin with?)<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsMPyfBaIGkIXmjS0HZriH52Rs71j0bdcaBntMUHLLkiCSq5Am-MFSkS-SaFORc4rwZBw9el0oyd3_WJ4PBgLnEVrvQKLKGguy_wromP46VTuI_IfPbH1snerB1TfyXkCLmTESMXyLAP-d/s1600/meee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsMPyfBaIGkIXmjS0HZriH52Rs71j0bdcaBntMUHLLkiCSq5Am-MFSkS-SaFORc4rwZBw9el0oyd3_WJ4PBgLnEVrvQKLKGguy_wromP46VTuI_IfPbH1snerB1TfyXkCLmTESMXyLAP-d/s1600/meee.jpg" height="229" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The hand is either a wave or a high five - you pick</td></tr>
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I've recently come back to Blogger from a very long 2+ year hiatus.<br />
I made a couple of posts since 2011, but nothing more than a post every few months where I would feel this urge to type something up and post it on here. <br />
<br />
If it's ok with you, I'd like to tell you about the past couple of years of my life, and the effect blogging has had on it. (I'm warning you, it's sentimental!)<br />
<br />
At first, I left because I felt like I had too much going on in my life.<br />
To quote my post from December 2011, "<i>I might disappear again for a while, but it's not
because I've been eaten by a mythical creature, but my extreme workload
has basically caught up to me.</i>" <br />
And that's true.<br />
8th grade me probably felt overwhelmed with the constant drama and gossip of middle school as well as the terrifying thought of going to high school. (Of course, I exaggerated with the "extreme workload" bit in order to justify the whole thing to myself.) <br />
<br />
But as time went on, I was never able to come back fully because I felt that I had nothing meaningful to talk about. I felt like I had lost my blogger "voice", and no matter how much I tried, I couldn't produce something I was happy with. <br />
Over the past two years, I had been welcomed into this incredible community on Blogger, and I just didn't want to let anyone down by writing posts I wasn't happy with. <br />
So I just stopped writing altogether.<br />
<br />
And life went on.<br />
<br />
But I did came back from time to time. because this blog became a place where people would listen and offer their thoughts when no one else in my life would. And I don't think I could ever give up on something like that. <br />
<br />
Yesterday, I started unfollowing blogs that didn't hadn't posted anything new this year. And it was sad and nostalgic because some of the blogs were the exact same as I had remembered them three years ago.<br />
Yet, miraculously, some of them are still alive and updating. And I was delighted to see some of the ones that I remember the most vividly are still active. (Namely <a href="http://furreekatt.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Furree Katt</a>, <a href="http://blog.fang.io/" target="_blank">Fang Talks</a>, <a href="http://hellozaynab.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Hello, Zaynab</a>, <a href="http://musingsbyjodie.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">The Run-On Sentences of Life</a> and <a href="http://herbigfatnose.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">ShuRin ShuShu</a>) <br />
Reading through them, it feels like I never left.<br />
<br />
And that's what I love about blogging.<br />
Even though it's not as popular compared to other platforms (Such as Instagram, Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and the list goes on), what I love about blogs is that for the most part, you have only have words to play with.<br />
There's only an extent to which a fancy layout or stunning photography or endless filter options will help you on a blog.<br />
Because when it comes right down to it, blogs are only as good as the words you put into it. <br />
Posting forces you to establish your own voice, because your voice is what keeps people coming back. <br />
<br />
And that appealed to me when I started, a middle schooler latent with insecurity, because this place had the potential for me to express myself and share my opinions in a way that wasn't restricted by looks, social standing, or trendiness of clothing.<br />
(The first and only time I ever posted a picture of myself was when I wrote <a href="http://musingsbyjodie.blogspot.com/2011/04/what-is-beauty-by-fiona.html" target="_blank">this</a> guest post for Jodie-Ann's blog)<br />
I was able to define myself by my words, as opposed to letting myself become defined by my appearance.<br />
<br />
I loved that.<br />
<br />
I loved that I could write about whatever I wanted however I wanted. <br />
I loved that I could<br />
type<br />
like <br />
this,<br />
and I loved how I could share stupid little anecdotes, swap advice, or just rant about what was bothering me at the moment. <br />
And most of all, I loved how people listened.<br />
<br />
I poured my soul into this blog. <br />
It became so intimate and dear to me, that I've only shown it to one person so far. (Who I think has long forgotten that this existed)<br />
<br />
It's not that I was bullied in middle school, but I just never felt like I fit in and I felt like nobody really liked me for me. <br />
But on this blog, for the first time, I felt like I truly <i>belonged </i>in this community of people. And that meant<b> </b>the world to me. <br />
<br />
So, this post is one big thank you.<br />
To every single one of you who have supported me, who have read my posts, who have commented, and most of all, who have helped build me this place where I could find refuge within the posts and the anecdotes and the memories.<br />
<br />
<b>From the bottom of my heart, thank you. </b><br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-67574585567429852542014-05-24T22:47:00.001-04:002014-05-24T22:49:25.837-04:00i'm scared. Since I was young, people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. <br />
And when I was little, because being a "grown up" seemed so far away, I thought I could be anyone I wanted to be. (Because I would eventually get there anyway with all the time that I had left)<br />
<br />
I wanted to be President. I wanted to be an Olympian. I wanted to be a firefighter. I wanted to be the person who lit the fireworks on the fourth of July. I wanted to be the weatherman on the news. I wanted to be a voice actor for Disney. Hell, throw in my own Disney TV show while we're at it too.<br />
<br />
And now, the future is a couple of years away.<br />
And the time I thought I had vanished with it.<br />
I turn 18 next year. I'm one year away from adulthood.<br />
And that's scary. Because 17 years later I still don't know what I want.<br />
<br />
People tell me that I should follow my dreams. But I should also be realistic.<br />
What does that even mean?<br />
<br />
It's funny because since I was a kid, I wanted to grow up.<br />
I wanted to push a shopping cart around and buy my own groceries and have a career and accomplish real things and wear high heels to work and to have a briefcase and drink coffee in the morning while reading the New York Times (like the actual articles and not just the comics section). <br />
<br />
And now that it's actually time for me to grow up, I don't feel ready. I'm scared of change. I'm scared of committing. I'm scared to decide where to apply to college. I'm scared of leaving. I'm scared of moving on.<br />
<br />
I know that it's going to happen and it's going to happen no matter what, but that doesn't make me any less scared. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-62558094523720430102013-12-05T19:46:00.001-05:002013-12-06T00:22:42.115-05:00self-acceptance and finding yourself. All my life, I have been told to "just be myself". And all my life, I have been confused as what to that meant.<br />
What is being myself?<br />
What even is that?<br />
What does "being yourself" even mean?<br />
<br />
I act different when I'm alone. <br />
I act different when I'm with friends I really like. <br />
I act different when I'm at a party. <br />
I act different when I'm with people that annoy me.<br />
<br />
And among all of these, what is "being myself"? Are these all right? Is only one right and the rest are wrong? Should the way I act when put in all of these situations be the same? Is there a "right" way and a "wrong" way of acting?<br />
<br />
Right now, I'm a junior in high school and I think it's the first time I think I can partially answer these questions.<br />
In retrospect, "be yourself" was a good piece of advice poorly phrased. <br />
<br />
I've grown so much these past few months.<br />
It's mostly because junior year is academic and social hell. <br />
I've been challenged more than I've ever been, I've had very high points (and very low points), I've been on the brink of quitting more times I would like to admit, and as a whole, I've taken one giant leap out of my comfort zone.<br />
And I also finally started to accept myself.<br />
<br />
Self-acceptance is hard. <br />
I think that it is part of our nature to be insecure. We will always compare ourselves to other people who we perceive to be "better" than us. We'll always look at the track star, or the student who takes four APs, or the boy who stars in the school play, or that person who's well liked among everyone and think, "Wow, why can't I be like them?"<br />
<br />
And it doesn't end there.<br />
The track star can compare herself to the other track star who beat her at an event and think she's not good enough. <br />
The student who takes four APs can look at the person who takes five and wonder why he can't be like her.<br />
The boy who stars in the school play will blame himself for not being able to sing as well as the other boy who starred in the musical.<br />
The girl who's well-liked among everyone might be jealous of the boy next to her who gets A's on math tests when she gets handed back C's.<br />
<br />
I used to place confident people on a pedestal. I thought they were better than me because they seemed like they had their life together and they just succeeded at everything they attempted.<br />
This made me feel inferior, like I was defective or something was wrong with me. Why couldn't I work harder, why couldn't I succeed as much, and why couldn't I succeed on the same scale as these people did?<br />
<br />
This inferiority ate away at me like rot eats through wood. This nagging sense of inferiority would be with me wherever I went and wherever I looked. <br />
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><i>Why can't I be as smart as him? Why can't I be as good at music as him? Why can she write better papers than me? </i> </span><br />
And it didn't matter who it was. I compared myself to everyone, from my best friends to complete strangers. <br />
<span style="color: #cccccc;"><i>Why can't I be as funny as him? Why can't I walk with as much confidence as him? Why can't I dress as nicely as her? Why isn't my skin as nice as hers? </i></span><i><span style="color: #cccccc;"><i>Why do I always have to work harder than everyone? </i>Why does she have better teeth than me? Why am I not as easy to talk to as her? Why am I not as approachable as him? Why don't I do as much community service as him? Why don't I get invited to as many parties as they do? </span></i><br />
I desperately sought validation from something, anything to confirm that I was good enough. I would try to put on an tough act to pretend that nothing was wrong,
even though I was slowly and steadily falling apart on the inside. My friends and family were (and still are) always here for me, and they're the only reason why I was able to get out of this destructive downward spiral. <br />
<br />
They helped me make the realization that <b>we are all insecure</b>. <br />
Everyone. Even the person who seems the most self-assured and who radiates confidence has things to be insecure about. <i>Everyone</i> struggles with <i>something. </i><br />
<br />
And just like that, people were taken off pedestals and everyone became human again.<br />
<br />
Self-acceptance is hard. <br />
True self-acceptance is accepting yourself wholly and completely. Not just the parts that you put on Facebook or the things that you're proud of.<br />
It includes the things you bury deep down. You also have to accept your insecurities, fears, resentment, hatred, regrets and jealousy. You have to accept that they're there.<br />
<br />
But through this acceptance, you're able address them. You can now come to terms that you're insecure. You can come to terms that you're scared, you're resentful, you're malicious, you're regretful and you're jealous. But now that you see these and they're brought up to the surface through acceptance, you can actively try to reduce their potency instead of shoving it deeper and deeper down to try and ignore their presence. <br />
<br />
And I think that after this self-acceptance, all the puzzle pieces will start to fit together and you can begin the process of finding yourself.<br />
Although I haven't quite figured out what "finding" yourself entails, right now I think it has something to do with exercising your potential without being restricted by your own self-inflicted barriers such as inferiority.<br />
I don't know yet, but I'll try get back to you in twenty years.<br />
<br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-64574386809885362702013-11-08T00:11:00.000-05:002013-11-08T00:11:16.558-05:00perspective.I think one of the most important lessons I have learned so far from high school is how to have perspective.<br />
Which is sort of weird because what made me learn this lesson is observing people who didn't have much of it.<br />
<br />
I think it is so easy (especially as a teenager and a high schooler) to be completely wrapped up in our own lives. And our own problems that we've got going on and our own victories and our own mistakes and our own regrets and our own assignments and our own personal issues and our own this and our own that.<br />
And what I realized is that we sort of have this expectation that <b>everyone should care</b>.<br />
<br />
I know for me, if there's something going wrong in my life, the first thing I want to do is go up to someone and start complaining. <br />
And that's all fine and dandy and everything, but I think I don't realize enough that everyone else has problems too.<br />
<br />
It's really not all about me all the time. (Unfortunately)<br />
<br />
People have their own things going on, and I'm working on becoming more aware of that. I'm trying to ask more questions about people's lives and getting to know them more.<br />
This strategy has been working very well, because I found that people really like it when someone genuinely listens.<br />
<br />
Because you know those people that you try and talk to, and somehow every conversation ends up being about themselves? <br />Don't be that person.<br />
Ask questions and actually care about the answer. People will like you more and you'll get to know people better and you'll be a better human because of it. Promise.<br />
<br />
Also, I've realized that things that seem like earth-shattering, hysteria-inducing, tear-triggering problems to me really aren't that important.<br />
In the grand scheme of things, in the bigger picture, small little mundane issues don't matter. Drama is a prime example of this.<br />
<br />
Because when you think about it, I am one of seven billion (Seven billion!!) people on this Earth.<br />
And Earth is one of eight planets revolving around the Sun.<br />
And the Sun is one of the <b>300 </b>billion stars in the Milky Way Galaxy alone.<br />
And there is a massive undetermined amount of galaxies in the Universe.<br />
<br />
I am literally,<i> less</i> than a speck in this Universe.<br />
I'm basically this small little organism made of carbon existing for an incredibly small amount of time. And I don't get another shot.<br />
<br />
However, thinking about the pointlessness of it all and how small we really are can take you down a very dark path of existential crises and sitting and agonizing over the meaning of life. <br />
Here's what I think about it.<br />
<br />
I was reading <u>Sirens of Titan</u> by Vonnegut, and this is a quote I really really liked:<br />
<br />
<i>
“A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.” </i><br />
<br />
And I agree with that.<br />
<br />
For me personally, I have accepted that in the grand scheme of things, I am not any more significant than any other human being.<br />
But what I want to do is to take the one life I've got and make the most out of it.<br />
I want to learn as much as I can about the world around me. I want to understand how things work and why things work and why the world is the way it is.<br />
I want to absorb as much knowledge as I can.<br />
And I want to affect as many lives as I possibly and maybe even leave behind my name in a history book or a science textbook or even be immortalized in a Wikipedia page.<br />
I want to make use of my capacity and potential for change and for making the world a little (almost insignificantly) better than I found it. <br />
<br />
<br />
<i>(Just some things on my mind lately, sorry if it doesn't make any sense)</i><br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-73344294567724530562013-03-22T20:24:00.000-04:002013-04-16T20:02:12.718-04:00it's march and it's still cold.We had a snowstorm a few days ago, and there's still massive snowbanks on the ground. On the bright side, this weekend it's going to be above-freezing for the first time in about a decade. Which is very exciting.<br />
I just really want to wear bright colors and summer dresses and sandals.<br />
Anyway.<br />
Moving on.<br />
<br />
I wanted to talk about English class for a bit here.<br />
I've never known that I was a math/science person until I hit high school. (I'm a sophomore right now)<br />
Since I was a kid, parents have always been amazing about being willing to drive me to the library or the local bookstore to check out books and maybe buy a few. So I've always enjoyed reading.<br />
My particular favorites were Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, Eragon and everything by Roald Dahl if anyone cares.<br />
<br />
But this year in English, the course load has become daunting, and also the teacher intimidates the beejesus out of me. <br />
He sort of just opens his mouth and I have no idea what he's saying.<br />
He's talking in English of course, but his ideas and analysis about the text doesn't make sense to me. I've been struggling, but I can't wrap my head around anything. Ever.<br />
It hurts because I feel incompetent and dull and just all-around unintelligent.<br />
<br />
However, on the other hand, I'm doing very well in my other classes. Chemistry comes pretty naturally to me, and math makes sense if I work at it.<br />
<br />
The one thing I worry about is that this will take away the joy of reading for me, and make it become something I struggle to find deeper meaning in without first <i>enjoying the story</i>.<br />
I like reading for fun.<br />
It's easy to identify with characters and struggle with them and triumph with them and be happy with them when something finally goes their way and cry from sadness when the book ends only to pick it up and do it all over again a few weeks later. <br />
Now the books we read in class is a stressful experience because it's become a frantic dash for meaning and analysis.<br />
To make a bad analogy, it's like taking a sandwich and blending it to oblivion in an attempt to figure it out more, squeezing out every last bit of useful information instead of enjoying the book/sandwich as as a whole.<br />
I personally apologize for that sandwich smoothie image. I haven't had dinner yet. <br />
<br />
Right now, I'm just trying to make it out of this course alive and with my self-esteem and appreciation for literature to last.<br />
If anyone has <b>any</b> tips whatsoever, I will welcome and appreciate and love any advice you can offer. <br />
<br />
<i>(I know I haven't posted for a while and when I finally come back from hibernation I launch into a rant about English. And for that I'm very sorry, but I feel like this blog is really the only place I can talk about it. So thank you for continuing to support me, it really does mean a lot.) </i><br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-17317819828540509662012-07-11T20:09:00.001-04:002012-07-11T23:11:43.739-04:00bassoon camp and my favorite pieces.This summer, I have been focusing almost completely on music.<br />
Mainly with the bassoon. (Which I fondly named Maximilian, Max for short)<br />
<br />
I started off going to a Bassoon Workshop for two weeks.<br />
I don't think I've every experienced anything like it.<br />
There were other workshops for other instruments going on at the same time as well, so there was also a Trombone Workshop, Flute Workshop etc. <br />
The program is advertised as "classical music immersion" and they mean it.<br />
<br />
On the weekdays, there are classes, from 9am-12pm and then 2pm-4pm. Any time in between that, we were essentially allowed to do anything that we wanted.<br />
Most of us spent that time practicing in the cute little practice huts that were scattered around campus. <br />
<br />
The people there were amazing.<br />
At school, it's hard to find people who enjoy classical music and play an instrument with the goal of making it part of their life.<br />
At camp, almost everyone wanted to either major or minor in music. <br />
It was really, really, <i>really</i> nice. <br />
<br />
I was definitely one of the worst people there, but that's alright because I don't have that much experience.<br />
Although the teachers were still strict regardless, I learned enough at that camp to make up for a damaged ego.<br />
I also improved a lot, mainly because I became a practicing machine. (2.5 hours a day!) <br />
<br />
Those of you who don't play an instrument probably don't understand why on earth I would willingly go to a camp that's essentially music boot camp.<br />
But the thing is, music makes me happy.<br />
It just does. <br />
I often find myself listening to a piece, and I'll start to smile. Just because.<br />
<br />
And I saw a faculty tuba recital there. <br />
The finale was a tuba quartet.<br />
Amazing? I think yes. <br />
<br />
And finally, here are a few of my favorite pieces. <br />
Libraries also often have full scores, so if you can read music, I would recommend looking along as you listen, so you can see just how the magic happens. <br />
<ul>
<li>Prokofiev - Symphony No. 5 <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IT7YgZ8J-PA" target="_blank">Second Movement (Allegro Marcato)</a>, Especially love the brass part at 5:39-6:56. Amazing. </li>
<li>Gershwin - <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUfI6v6SwL4" target="_blank">An American in Paris</a>, This is piece is about, well, an American in Paris. You can almost see him meandering around France. There are car horns (The trumpets going DA-DA-DA in the beginning) and during the slow section in the middle, I visualize him sitting in a swanky cafe watching the sunset. </li>
<li>Beethoven - Symphony No. 5 <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2kbfK84jCE" target="_blank">Fourth Movement (Allegro)</a>, As far as I'm concerned, this movement is like a giant dance party. </li>
<li>Bartok - Concerto for Orchestra <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxyUAmGD2po" target="_blank">Second Movement (Giuoco Delle Coppie)</a>, I <b>love</b> this movement. It's lots of fun, and it's meant to be sassy and playful. It also starts off with a bassoon duet, and then later, a bassoon trio, which makes me a bit biased. </li>
<li>Saint-Saens - <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SPEh5FWA3I" target="_blank">Danse Bacchanale from Samson et Dalila</a>, This is one of those pieces that makes you want to get up and dance. The Youtube recording skips the gorgeous oboe solo in the beginning, but it the full thing can easily be found on Spotify.</li>
<li>And if you're up to some bassoon concerto awesomeness, the Mozart and Weber bassoon concertos are stunning.</li>
</ul>
If you have pieces that you like, write a comment or email me, and I will definitely take a look. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-72354118777637435082011-12-17T00:14:00.000-05:002011-12-17T00:16:07.850-05:00cats and classical music.A few days ago, I was walking to our town library.<br />
Whenever I take a walk, I think about everything and absolutely nothing at all. My thinking process is basically me making small talk with myself. <br />
And I realized that I changed a lot over the last few years.<br />
<br />
I think the biggest change is that I've started to really appreciate classical music. I used to to think that it was really boring and reserved for old people, but then I joined an intense wind ensemble. Never in my life have I been around people who appreciated music quite like they did.<br />
I was swept along with this huge classical-music current and started to listen to it.<br />
<br />
I showed a recording that I really liked to one of my old friends. I can't quite remember which one it was, but I thought it was fascinating. He laughed and said that I was being brainwashed.<br />
And I don't know if that was directed as an insult, but that really hit home.<br />
<br />
I'm not ashamed of listening to classical music.<br />
I just don't know if it's something I should openly share or not. I know that most people in my school don't even think about it as a type of "good" music and I'm really not up the challenge of trying to argue against years upon years of teenage culture. <br />
<br />
...I'm not really sure where I'm going with this.<br />
Maybe I'm trying to say that I'm trying to figure out what things I should share with others and what I shouldn't.<br />
But then again, I really don't want to put a censor on my words.<br />
I think that if someone wants to listen to me, they should have to deal with the fact that I do nerdy things.<br />
<br />
This post has just turned into a trainwreck of conflicting thoughts, so I'm going to end it before my writing morphs into something about goats or whatever. <br />
<br />
It's way too late but I accidentally had coffee an hour ago. <br />
I'm basically fueled on caffeine with nothing to do.<br />
I could either write a blog post or watch videos of cats, which I will probably do once I publish this.<br />
Of course, I could study, but it's Friday and I never do work on Friday. I'm more of a cram-on-Sunday-night type of person. <br />
<br />
And while I'm on this tangent, I'd like to let you know that I learned to juggle.<br />
I found three juggling balls under my bed and I basically learned to juggle them when I should have been writing a History essay.<br />
<br />
I really need to work on my time management. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-21780591816352567722011-12-06T19:08:00.001-05:002011-12-17T00:10:46.664-05:00a post about friends.I have two really good childhood friends. Their names are Carl and Benny.<br />
And we're really, really, really close.<br />
At least, we WERE close.<br />
We were always together throughout middle school and for a part of high school.<br />
We would talk about Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and we all had common interests. <br />
But lately, we just haven't seen each other. None of us has made an effort to make contact either.<br />
<br />
Carl is a huge drama geek. He's the one that I mainly want to talk about.<br />
He's an amazing person. He really is. <br />
But it's getting difficult to have a conversation with him. We used to be able to talk hours and hours on end about absolutely everything and nothing at all. We made each other laugh, and we made each other mad too, but we always managed to tough it out together, no matter what happened.<br />
<br />
Now when I see him, I have trouble making small talk, simply because I haven't seen him in so long.<br />
And I <i><b>never</b></i> have trouble with small talk. I might not be good at a lot of things, but little, unimportant discussions is something I'm actually good at doing.<br />
<br />
And now it's so awkward. <br />
I mean, we both knew almost everything about each other.<br />
I know that he idolizes Dwight from The Office and can quote anything from the show, especially when it involved Jim's pranks.<br />
There was one time when I correctly named every shirt he owned, just because we were around each other so much.<br />
If he was in front of me, I could tell if it was Carl or not because I knew the way that he walked.<br />
<br />
Now when I see him, wearing a shirt I've never seen before, which is normally a reference to something I've never heard of, it's really weird.<br />
I can't even converse properly with him, which used to be a given.<br />
It's unsettling.<br />
<br />
I need to work on communicating with him more. Maybe that would fix this.<br />
Or maybe not.<br />
We're both really awkward people.<br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-4771826159902574972011-12-06T17:57:00.001-05:002011-12-06T19:57:20.350-05:00i'm back! (sort of)Hi everyone, it's been a while!<br />
Do you remember me? If you don't even know who I am, or are seeing this on your dashboard and wondering who I was and where I went, let me fill you in.<br />
<br />
I'm Fiona.<br />
I'm a bit of an introverted, awkward nerd.<br />
I like using big words because it makes me sound smarter than I actually am. But don't worry, it's just the thesaurus talking. <br />
<br />
And now where was I?<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
Inside a time warp I call,</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The world of <b>high school</b>. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i> (What you read just now was an excellent haiku. </i>)</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
But all jokes aside, I've been extremely busy. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
College is a looming, dark cloud that is fast approaching and I realized that I needed to start doing more things out of school in order to get accepted into a good one.</div>
And juggling everything is, in short, brutal.<br />
Somehow, I've managed to get straight A's, but everything is getting increasingly more demanding.<br />
Meaning, my schedule is getting tighter and tighter.<br />
Meaning, the amount of time I can spend looking at cute videos of kittens and reading <a href="http://fuckyeahsociallyawkwardpenguin.tumblr.com/">Socially Awkward Penguin</a> is drastically decreasing. <br />
I've been decreasing the procrastination, so that's helped.<br />
<br />
So yeah.<br />
That is my very long and elaborate excuse to why I haven't been posting.<br />
<br />
Also, I don't have as much time as I'd like for bloghopping. Of course, I might be able to find some time in the weekends, but I do want to follow some new blogs.<br />
It would help a lot if you could give the link(s) to your blog or a blog you think I should read. If you have a good blog, I'm sure that I would eventually find it, but a direct link would save some time. I won't follow each and every link I receive, but I WILL take a look and probably comment. <br />
I know this a bit selfish of me to ask for this, but please pardon it just this once! (: <br />
<br />
Also, as a warning, I might disappear again for a while, but it's not because I've been eaten by a mythical creature, but my extreme workload has basically caught up to me. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-20197259499764978452011-08-19T21:09:00.004-04:002011-08-19T21:11:04.256-04:00i'm feeling negative today.I'm in a bad mood and I need to rant.<br />
So I'm basically going to prattle off everything that's annoying me right now. I need to let out this negative energy or else I'm going to take it out on someone.<br />
And whenever I get irrationally mad at a person, I feel bad for weeks. So I'm going to make an effort to reduce the damage I cause.<br />
Here I go. <br />
<br />
I hate it when girls think it's cool to casually use their middle finger.<br />
Am I the only one who notices? I feel like in every picture I see, a girl is flipping off the camera. And not only is it rude and disrespectful, it's ridiculous.<br />
Honestly, why would you do such a thing? What are you accomplishing using your middle finger and shoving it in front of a camera lens? <br />
Oh that's right.<br />
<b>YOU ARE ACCOMPLISHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. </b><br />
You think doing this makes yourself seem like a rebel that shows a flagrant contempt of authority. You think you're a free spirit. You think that nobody can label you because you're so cool. <br />
Well, you are wrong.<br />
It makes you look like just another dumb teenager that doesn't have an ounce of respect. <br />
And you should be ashamed of yourself. <br />
<br />
I hate snobby people.<br />
Just because you're good at one particular sport, or your daddy is richer than everyone else, does not make you the ruler of the freaking earth.<br />
So stop talking behind my back because I'm not wearing the same $200 dollar jeans as you. And stop giving me dirty looks because I actually make an effort to get good grades so I can succeed in twenty years.<br />
You are a human being. Just like everyone else.<br />
So ditch that "I am better than you" mentality and make an effort to talk to the other human beings. Because if you gave them a chance, you might actually like them.<br />
<br />
That's really all that I wanted to say.<br />
Wow. I just reread all of that and I feel like a horrible person.<br />
<br />
&amp; about my previous post about the haircut, I've read all your comments. And thank you so much for all of your feedback. I haven't had much time lately, but I definitely will eventually respond to all of them. <br />
And comment on all the blog posts I've missed.<br />
I've fallen so behind it's making me depressed. <br />
<br />
And I'd also like to thank everyone for the awards.<br />
You have no idea how much it means to me.<br />
I'll also do an awards post when I get the time.<br />
<br />
So.... yeah.<br />
I feel a bit better now. (: <br />
Thanks for putting up with me.<br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-6911952770246508032011-08-01T13:53:00.001-04:002011-08-06T11:12:23.328-04:00short hair.I cut my hair.<br />
I did it.<br />
And I ended up going a lot shorter than the pictures I posted in <a href="http://voiceofanerd.blogspot.com/2011/07/pondering.html">here</a>. <br />
But I'm glad I decided to.<br />
I really am.<br />
<br />
And without further ado, here's my gloriously delicious face with short hair. (Hah.)<br />
<br />
<b>Edit: </b>I removed my picture because I suddenly got a wash of paranoia that somebody would come and stalk me. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
My head feels so much lighter. You'd think that a few inches of dead protein wouldn't weigh a lot, but believe me. You don't realize just how much it is until it's gone. <br />
Also, washing and styling my hair has gotten a lot easier.<br />
I use a lot less shampoo and conditioner, and I don't even have to straighten my hair to get it to behave anymore. At most, I comb through some molding wax to get my bangs to stay in their place.<br />
It's amazing.<br />
<br />
The only downside to this, is that I'm sometimes mistaken as a boy.<br />
It gets irritating, but I think that it would be obnoxious if I complained, since it was my own decision to cut my hair off.<br />
Besides, it's only to be expected, since short hair is almost always a "boy thing".<br />
<br />
But all in all, I love love love it.<br />
And to anyone who is on the edge of the decision of whether to take the dive and cut their hair off, I would do it.<br />
But then again, this isn't something to just do on a whim, because it would take <i>years</i> to grow back.<br />
<br />
However, I didn't regret this at all.<br />
And I think I'm going to keep it at this length for a very long time. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-89223411469712599962011-07-24T21:24:00.004-04:002011-07-24T22:52:13.848-04:00HARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTER.<i> ** Warning, contains minor spoilers. </i><br />
<br />
I SAW THE HARRY POTTER MOVIE. <br />
<br />
I know I'm pretty late, because it came out more than a week ago.<br />
I saw it yesterday, and wow. It was so good.<br />
The whole movie mainly consisted of fight scenes. I normally don't like that in a movie, because I enjoy seeing something with a complicated plotline.<br />
But for this, it <b>worked</b>. <br />
<br />
It's probably because it's the finale and everything, so it had to end with a bang.<br />
And end with a bang it did.<br />
I was on the edge of my seat the whole time.<br />
But because I had to go to the 3D showing, (The tickets for the normal one was sold out) when I started crying I had to take off the glasses to wipe my eyes.<br />
And it's hard trying to watch a movie, wipe tears away, and clean 3D glasses while simultaneously sobbing your eyes out.<br />
<br />
I'm the type of person you don't want to sit next to in a theater.<br />
When I watch a movie, I laugh in all the wrong places and I talk to myself.<br />
<br />
There was this one thing that Voldemort said, and I thought it was hilarious.<br />
It was when Harry went to the Forbidden Forest to go get killed. <br />
And then He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named said, (If I remember correctly) "<i>The boy who lived, come to die</i>."<br />
I thought that was <b>hysterical</b>.<br />
I tried to contain it, but I ended up bursting out laughing. <br />
I just thought that if I was Voldemort, the to-be conqueror of the world, I wouldn't pick something as ridiculous as that to say.<br />
It sounds almost smug and petty. <br />
It's as if he's saying, "<i>I'm going to kill you. Again. Because you lived the first time I tried. So yeah</i>."<br />
I think I'm the only one who thinks that's funny.<br />
<br />
And if there was an MVP of the movie, it would have been Neville.<br />
He was just plain heroic.<br />
But I think it was sad how didn't really have a big role in the movies. He was just "one of the classmates".<br />
He was always one of my favorites, second only to Fred and George. <br />
<br />
It was an amazing movie. The ending of it was good too.<br />
THE DADDY HARRY GREW STUBBLE. <3<br />
<br />
And that concludes my geeking session.<br />
<b>It all ends.</b><br />
<br />
Did anyone get that?<br />
Since it says "It All Ends" on the HP7 promotional posters?<br />
LOL I'M SO FUNNY.<br />
<br />
.... ok I'll leave now. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-68221323911064376772011-07-23T08:55:00.005-04:002011-07-23T10:50:21.765-04:00an ode to the elderly.I love old people.<br />
<br />
No, it's not some weird sexual fetish that I developed. You may think that comment wasn't necessary, but when I told some people that I love the elderly, this is exactly how they interpreted it.<br />
This is either a common reaction, or I need to get new friends. <br />
But either way, I want to avoid a misunderstanding.<br />
<br />
There are some people that hate old people.<br />
They complain that they have wrinkles, they're slow, bitter, and they talk too much. <br />
But I think that makes them cute.<br />
<br />
I love seeing elderly couples that hold hands.<br />
You might call it weird or gross, but I think it's amazing that love can last for over fifty years.<br />
And my inner-romantic hopes that one day, that would be me. <br />
<br />
And have you ever talked to one of them?<br />
Because they've seen so many years go by, their wisdom is just staggering. Every time my grandpa opens his mouth, I feel like I've gained a generation's worth of knowledge.<br />
<br />
Finally, their wrinkles.<br />
I don't know why people get plastic surgery to prevent them. I think they're beautiful.<br />
Whenever they smile, I can't help but smile back.<br />
It's like a Contagious Elderly Spirit of Joy.<br />
The C.E.S.J for short.<br />
<br />
So thank you, senior citizens.<br />
Thank you for putting up with teenagers and kicking us off your lawn.<br />
Because we deserve it. <br />
And in fifty years I'll hopefully join you all, and we can all talk about meaningful topics to share an endless amount of wisdom gained from our lengthy lives. <br />
<br />
Keep being awesome. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-77157785514995513722011-07-22T20:28:00.003-04:002011-07-22T20:31:55.575-04:00mia.I haven't been on Blogger lately. Eleven days, if you want to get picky.<br />
Mainly it's because I don't know what to talk about.<br />
<br />
No, that's a lie.<br />
I have lots of things I want to talk about. But I feel like none of them are good enough for a blog post.<br />
So I started writing a diary again.<br />
<br />
Yes, a diary.<br />
I wrote one when I was in 3rd grade, but I mainly talked about how boys had cooties.<br />
But now, it's actually kind of comforting to write in it. <br />
It's nice to know that I'm the one who's going to read it, and nobody's going to judge me. <br />
<br />
And I think I just need to get over that fear.<br />
I'm always afraid of being judged. Or labeled.<br />
That's why I try to be as different as possible.<br />
So people can't throw me in a bin of people they think are "jocks" or "scene".<br />
<br />
I know this is extremely cliche.<br />
So if you're rolling your eyes while reading this, sorry.<br />
But that's just who I am.<br />
<br />
I don't really know where I'm going with this. <br />
But in a nutshell, I'm just letting everyone know that I'm back, and I will make an honest effort to post more often.<br />
So... yeah. <br />
I'm done rambling. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-39138725271829440562011-07-11T21:53:00.006-04:002011-07-11T23:16:39.688-04:00pondering.I want to cut my hair. Short.<br />
Because I need a change.<br />
And because I've been a bit lacking in the confidence department lately.<br />
I think that chopping it off will help me feel more... <i>out there</i>, since I won't be able to hide behind my curtains of hair anymore. <br />
<br />
I'm probably going to get something like these.<br />
Your opinions would be super awesome.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeEInPfwmmnGdVCThitqTjmBrjmDxWGSxFDlprUW8dFPY6rRpRTZqzLYovRPIbkI7UaO5TzxhyphenhyphenQkPyXg30TMPnCyujcuXC29kKzMJtQ-FpfOrprhybBs6fdVovoI5r9qVUfnLqVGeHRdoz/s200/thumb.jpg" width="160" /><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiU5fV3igtJ8K7OMZ8hJ6cYJRYJsFWTodr0LgVFP54rKPDMqygzT0NCs2IJRbbQbx9tV0LG5D3H0nj6adRRallMVwfMDgH7fU3JJvRtjHagUTDQyG8vPEDt8sgEOKe3JMRN6BhUKCaCKsie/s200/shortshaghairstyleforteenhairbynikita.jpg" width="160" /><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgakzRXIEb_eFADpwWVnMVGwIqlaNLW3HVlS2XN_n5Exi2zaSInRhFKKLdVrXEbHgyuStyT5rTNBbTKmtaVnaKcL-3MMVsvAYJyQwBnIQeOX7T94UGq7yoQX6-QxIChyXIbFd2VcKgwANb8/s200/shirtteenhairstylehjeanlouisdavid.jpg" width="160" /><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL0r3fNihKwhEpKh5d1KY_KBEWLZvLANvemWLyVCuGokqmvjLs6DNitVIPbBaOkWPBKRESjIDd66TLp6mYMzvnDmfy7xb7l_OeDWptIfQVgVf4ShX-JuB7qch2mMUpaaJtjEfrJw7z-Pyk/s320/1.jpg" width="160" /></div>
<br />
I know this is a huge decision, so I'm still thinking about it.<br />
But I'm 80% sure that it's going to happen.<br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-16758397930692193102011-07-07T17:17:00.010-04:002011-07-07T21:01:07.850-04:00... and that is why we wear helmets.What people think is acceptable and what isn't never fails to confuse me.<br />
People tell large people to go out and lose weight, but they still complain when they're on the treadmill next to them at the gym. In many states, first cousins are allowed to marry, but members of the same sex aren't. <br />
<br />
And when I have my helmet on, I can't ride my bike halfway across town without being stared at. <br />
I don't understand how the concept of bike helmets has become so ridiculously foreign that seeing a teenage girl wear one is like seeing a turtle outswim Micheal Phelps. <br />
<br />
Why is this so weird?<br />
I'm being safe.<br />
So in case I fall and bash my head against the pavement, my helmet will protect my brains from spilling.<br />
I apologize for that graphic image, but I felt it was necessary to prove my point. <br />
<br />
And to all you adolescent boys who think riding your bike with no helmet is the coolest thing since sliced bread:<br />
Have fun tripping over a rock, and ending up paralyzed for the rest of your life because you didn't want to wear a helmet. Because they're not "<i>cool</i>".<br />
<br />
But I'm sure that paying thousands in medical bills for the rest of your life is cool too. Especially since it could have been all avoided with a cheap $10 biking helmet from Target. <br />
Gosh, that's the coolest thing ever.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
----------- </div>
<br />
On a side note, (I know this is long overdue) but if you could vote for me as a <a href="http://www.circleofmoms.com/blogger/voice-nerd">Top Kid Blogger</a>, it would mean the world to me. <br />
If I had my way, every time someone voted, I would send a bouncing leprechaun their way armed with rainbows and a pot of gold.<br />
But since I don't hoard leprechauns in my basement, nor do I have spare pots of gold, you'll have to settle with this small paragraph of thanks.<br />
So, thank you for putting up with me. And for supporting me.<br />
And for giving me all these warm sentimental feelings.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>To vote, click <a href="http://www.circleofmoms.com/blogger/voice-nerd">here</a> or that handy big pink circle on the sidebar. </i></div>
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-43915297747794214732011-07-01T18:31:00.001-04:002011-07-01T18:41:34.886-04:00when sounding like a dying duck pays off.Today I got a letter.<br />
And it said that I got accepted into a wind ensemble on bassoon.<br />
WHHAAAAAATTTTT.<br />
<br />
That means that I didn't mess up my audition as much as I thought I did. <br />
I completely bombed my E flat scale, but I guess it wasn't that big of a deal.<br />
I'M SO HAPPY ABDLKJLBWEGLVKJSFKDSFJ. <br />
<br />
If you're not sure what a bassoon is, it looks like this.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE1KzfKqiOcXbzeaQ9uE0f862Vjm-IBJk9LsfiLMtrCGchU7g3TRPR4YaAdiFdbwe9TZwxyc4T-OiI2uUvDYZTN5iBxwRryF7DLwimpxZSPA8ZEs9haJyVOSYP5nowdda_28V7jqhSmI_1/s1600/Pro_Bassoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="113" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE1KzfKqiOcXbzeaQ9uE0f862Vjm-IBJk9LsfiLMtrCGchU7g3TRPR4YaAdiFdbwe9TZwxyc4T-OiI2uUvDYZTN5iBxwRryF7DLwimpxZSPA8ZEs9haJyVOSYP5nowdda_28V7jqhSmI_1/s200/Pro_Bassoon.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>It's big. Very big. It's almost as tall as me.<br />
<br />
I started playing it six months ago, and I sounded like a dying duck that was having gas problems. <br />
It was awful. The first day of band, everyone stared at me because I sounded so incredibly <b>bad</b>. Like, everyone was playing this song, and then in the middle I managed to create this horrid monster of a note that clashed against everything.<br />
It's as if I summoned a giant, ten-foot troll that stomped all over the garden of pansies that was music.<br />
Did you like that analogy? Yeah, I liked it too. <br />
<br />
And when I was practicing at home, my parents would excuse themselves from the house because they couldn't stand the sound of it.<br />
It was humiliating. <br />
<br />
But I kept going. <br />
And it payed off because I don't sound like a duck anymore. Somewhat.<br />
People still laugh at me, but I want to be good enough when I get back to school, that it blows their minds.<br />
Then I'll have that self satisfaction of being better than them in the course of a few months.<br />
<br />
I'm such a band geek. I love it. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-57443229137662691092011-06-27T12:56:00.001-04:002011-06-27T12:59:41.529-04:00my jackson pollock of thoughts.I hope you understand the title.<br />
It's because Jackson Pollock did splatter paint, and now I'm just going to vomit everything I've been thinking.<br />
Sorry for that mental image.<br />
<br />
I've feel like I've been doing these <i>talk-about-anything</i> posts more often.<br />
Probably because there's no school, so naturally I haven't been thinking as much as I normally do.<br />
And a side effect of that loss of thinking, is I'm less motivated to do anything.<br />
<br />
Summer's been nice because I've been lazy.<br />
Get up, eat, and then go to swim practice. Get home, eat some more and then go to bed.<br />
<br />
I've been reading a lot.<br />
As in sitting in my chair and not moving for a couple hours. Except to turn the pages.<br />
But I wouldn't classify that under "movement".<br />
<br />
I finished <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Room-Novel-Emma-Donoghue/dp/0316098337"><u>Room</u></a> yesterday. <br />
It was probably the most unique book that I've ever read.<br />
Mainly because the narrator is five years old. It's not five years old in the sense that the vocabulary is limited to words like "happy", "sad" and "poopy". But it's his innocence and his perspective that makes it a good read. <br />
I would highly recommend it. <br />
<br />
I'm not sure if you care to know, but I did my laundry yesterday.<br />
Since it's the summer and I don't go out much, I haven't been worrying about outfits and seeming put together.<br />
Instead, I've worn virtually every piece of clothing I own. I thought that this was clever of me, because I'd always be wearing clean clothes, and I didn't have to do my laundry every week.<br />
But on the last few days, I've been wearing my ratty oversized soccer jerseys from 5th grade and these ridiculous knee high socks since nothing else was clean.<br />
And then I realized I had to do my laundry.<br />
And wash <b>everything</b>.<br />
<br />
I had to do five loads.<br />
It was the most work I did this summer. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-65098126031207366692011-06-21T22:38:00.004-04:002011-06-21T22:41:20.837-04:00i'm a bookworm and proud of it.I freaking love the library. <br />
At the one I go to, there's a huge bookshelf solely for the purpose of displaying books that are for sale.<br />
And although it looks like a regurgitated mess of paper, they have tons of good ones in there. <br />
<br />
They also cost a dollar per book.<br />
<b>A dollar per book. </b><br />
And they're not old or water damaged either.<br />
They look like they're almost new.<br />
And they're a DOLLAR EACH.<br />
I still can't get over it. <br />
<br />
When you go to Barnes & Noble or Borders, an average paperback costs about 12 dollars.<br />
At the library, I can buy 12 books for the price of one.<br />
I feel like an endless amount of possibilities have just revealed themselves to me. <br />
<br />
I got eight books.<br />
Including <u>The Kite Runner</u> and <u>The Lovely Bones</u>.<br />
I've been wanting to read them for so long, but I could just never get my hands on a copy.<br />
And now I own them.<br />
Plus six other great books.<br />
<br />
This is going to be a great summer. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-64398954004456895102011-06-19T19:28:00.003-04:002011-06-19T19:32:42.664-04:00birthdays & summer.Tomorrow is my friend's birthday.<br />
His name is Ben.<br />
I didn't want to make him a cake, so I made him a sandwich.<br />
Because that's what friends do.<br />
They make each other sandwiches.<br />
<i>[insert sexist joke about women making sandwiches here] </i><br />
<br />
All jokes aside, finals are over. Done. El fin.<br />
I feel burned out like a piece of unfortunate charred barbeque.<br />
At least it's summer now.<br />
And I'm looking forward to sleeping all day like a champ. <br />
<br />
Maybe I'll get out of bed and do some community service.<br />
I have an interview at the hospital on Tuesday.<br />
Volunteering there sounds pretty fun.<br />
<br />
I think I'm going to take another nap because my head is spinning and I can't concentrate.<br />
Thank you for tolerating me.<br />
But don't worry, I'm not high on anything.<br />
Deuces. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-90753709079512615312011-06-14T15:32:00.003-04:002011-06-14T19:06:57.374-04:00skinny.I hate the need to be skinny.<br />
I hate how people believe that in order to be pretty, you have to be morbidly underweight.<br />
I hate it.<br />
<br />
A few hundred years ago, being overweight was considered attractive. <br />
It was a sign that you had enough money to feed yourself.<br />
Which isn't a problem now, so now the image of "pretty" is a skinny girl with thin legs and arms. <br />
<br />
Being too skinny makes people look scrawny, weak and unhealthy.<br />
The reason why anyone would willingly choose to look like that, I have no idea.<br />
<br />
The main thing I don't get is someone losing drastic amounts of weight to impress someone.<br />
As in starving themselves to get a boy to look at her.<br />
Why would anyone do that? <br />
If you can't love yourself, how can you expect somebody else to? <br />
<br />
I know that in your eyes, I'm probably just another teenager prattling on and on about my various beliefs and convictions. <br />
But this is a topic something I will <i>never</i> change my mind on.<br />
<br />
I understand that anorexia and other eating disorders are serious topics.<br />
But I think that if you have the confidence in yourself, you can prevent these things from happening. You need to have the mental strength to ignore other people telling you what to do and what you should look like.<br />
<br />
But weight loss can be healthy. <br />
My dad is about sixty pounds overweight, and our family is worried about his health.<br />
So we're trying to get him to eat healthier and we signed him up for a gym membership. This way, he can lose those pounds without starving himself.<br />
<br />
My main point is that you shouldn't obsessively worry about your body image. Don't <i><b>ever</b></i> harm yourself in order to be what you think is perfect.<br />
Because it's not worth it. <br />
<br />
I'm 5'5, and I weigh 127 pounds.<br />
I'm not underweight, nor am I overweight.<br />
I'm happy about who I am, and I don't obsess over every bit of food I put in my mouth.<br />
I no longer care how big my butt looks or how fat my thighs are.<br />
I'm able to indulge on a bag of chips or an ice cream sundae without beating myself over it. <br />
Because if someone chooses not to talk to me because of my size, then that person wouldn't be worth my time anyway.<br />
And that person wouldn't be worth yours either.<br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-88404907963566125892011-06-11T17:14:00.003-04:002011-06-11T17:21:29.361-04:00i never want to be an artist.Well, it's been a while.<br />
I haven't blogged in about a week. And it's feels so much longer than that. <br />
<br />
I'm almost done with finals.<br />
I just have to do a presentation on Kansinsky for English. (For more information on my English final, click <a href="http://voiceofanerd.blogspot.com/2011/06/impending-doom.html">here</a>.)<br />
And now I can say honestly that I never want to be an artist when I grow up. Never.<br />
<br />
Painting this picture was one of the hardest things I've ever done.<br />
For one, I picked Kandinsky because I thought he only painted pictures like this:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg58uL-t8YPIQg4mBWyU9FZrWt5q4II1_8Az22U0jSQtIGB4xofku3Zpt4sAjU98nlJWhAs8f7vtW4Zws7lfb0oV65E5ZvHYSJRacHS_aw1CtbA6A7llTSKI5RBfxLzYE92CbMaytL_G3Y8/s1600/Wassily-Kandinsky-Colour-Study---Squares-And-Concentric-15657.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg58uL-t8YPIQg4mBWyU9FZrWt5q4II1_8Az22U0jSQtIGB4xofku3Zpt4sAjU98nlJWhAs8f7vtW4Zws7lfb0oV65E5ZvHYSJRacHS_aw1CtbA6A7llTSKI5RBfxLzYE92CbMaytL_G3Y8/s320/Wassily-Kandinsky-Colour-Study---Squares-And-Concentric-15657.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
But he <i>actually</i> mainly painted pictures like this: <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMEgROTCzloIiWf3Frw6WdgpxqXgPToQphACauMwnZeuhp0oGGACd5dTEZLjSUrTWkpmf9nG885EUE19HGmF3YcVsEri0XU2Vai7DB77McdYPgtn4Zazo3zEpoYASOjBTP9unZL7683vlv/s1600/kandinsky.comp-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMEgROTCzloIiWf3Frw6WdgpxqXgPToQphACauMwnZeuhp0oGGACd5dTEZLjSUrTWkpmf9nG885EUE19HGmF3YcVsEri0XU2Vai7DB77McdYPgtn4Zazo3zEpoYASOjBTP9unZL7683vlv/s320/kandinsky.comp-7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
See the difference?<br />
So this wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.<br />
<br />
Now this is my painting.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZvAuiVAUh8sG30z09kzjDa0FCwAK5ygfXkL6FShv84bd0W0ZQK_bDrkAPZ0t6RB7xklvX-4u7Xv1eIvaAUvtcl6wWdiy-emrByVif2HculF4tPWSZ4M_xKj6i3Oxd_FU26tbf1cLxbfet/s1600/IMG_2089.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZvAuiVAUh8sG30z09kzjDa0FCwAK5ygfXkL6FShv84bd0W0ZQK_bDrkAPZ0t6RB7xklvX-4u7Xv1eIvaAUvtcl6wWdiy-emrByVif2HculF4tPWSZ4M_xKj6i3Oxd_FU26tbf1cLxbfet/s400/IMG_2089.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><br />
It's no Picasso, but it's the best that I can do.<br />
I had to stretch every bit of my creative abilities to paint what's up there. <br />
Which might give you a hint of exactly how little artistic talent I have.<br />
<br />
So yeah.<br />
I'll be back to my frequent posting once I get out of school.<br />
Which is June 20th.<br />
Save the date.<br />
<br />
Now I'm going to go read all the blogs posts I missed.<br />
So be expecting my comments.<br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7034483337103218364.post-86382336978357331112011-06-07T22:48:00.000-04:002011-06-07T22:48:29.068-04:00impending doom.One word. <b>FINALS. </b><br />
I think I might cry.<br />
<br />
I've been procrastinating all year, somehow hoping that if I closed my eyes long enough they would go away.<br />
Well, they haven't.<br />
<br />
And I know that I have to pass all my classes or else I won't get accepted to a good college and then I won't get accepted into a good law school and I'll end up flipping hamburgers at McDonald's until I die a miserable death.<br />
So in other words, I'm screwed. <br />
<br />
And instead of a written English final this year, the department decided to something a little "different". The concept is that we research an artist and then create a piece with the artist's stylistic traits. <br />
Which means that I have paint a picture in order to pass English.<br />
<br />
So today, I did some research and chose Kandinsky. He's basically this guy who quit law school to paint and eventually married his cousin. <br />
I picked him because he did abstract art which mainly consisted of circles.<br />
He also used oil paints.<br />
<br />
We're supposed to use the same materials our artists used to make things more realistic.<br />
I wanted to use my Crayola washable paint from fifth grade, but when I asked if I could use it, my teacher gave me the stink eye.<br />
And I assumed that equated to a no. <br />
<br />
Which means I have to go out and buy some expensive canvas and then go buy some more expensive oil paints and then go buy some expensive paintbrush. <br />
And then I have to go home and then draw some circles and hope it looks like a masterpiece.<br />
And knowing my artistic ability, it won't.<br />
<br />
Also, because of finals I won't be posting as much as I've used to.<br />
And I'll probably be too busy oil painting circles to get on the computer anyway.<br />
<br />
But if it doesn't turn out <i>too</i> bad, I'll take a picture of it and post it here. So you can enjoy my hard work.<br />
You're welcome. <br />
<br />
<img src="http://i56.tinypic.com/hrnhhd.gif" />Fionahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08642053494813269755noreply@blogger.com20