a post about friends.

I have two really good childhood friends. Their names are Carl and Benny.
And we're really, really, really close.
At least, we WERE close.
We were always together throughout middle school and for a part of high school.
We would talk about Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and we all had common interests.
But lately, we just haven't seen each other. None of us has made an effort to make contact either.

Carl is a huge drama geek. He's the one that I mainly want to talk about.
He's an amazing person. He really is.
But it's getting difficult to have a conversation with him. We used to be able to talk hours and hours on end about absolutely everything and nothing at all. We made each other laugh, and we made each other mad too, but we always managed to tough it out together, no matter what happened.

Now when I see him, I have trouble making small talk, simply because I haven't seen him in so long.
And I never have trouble with small talk. I might not be good at a lot of things, but little, unimportant discussions is something I'm actually good at doing.

And now it's so awkward.
I mean, we both knew almost everything about each other.
I know that he idolizes Dwight from The Office and can quote anything from the show, especially when it involved Jim's pranks.
There was one time when I correctly named every shirt he owned, just because we were around each other so much.
If he was in front of me, I could tell if it was Carl or not because I knew the way that he walked.

Now when I see him, wearing a shirt I've never seen before, which is normally a reference to something I've never heard of, it's really weird.
I can't even converse properly with him, which used to be a given.
It's unsettling.

I need to work on communicating with him more. Maybe that would fix this.
Or maybe not.
We're both really awkward people.

why i wish i didn't play the violin.

The problem with playing violin is that it eats into your confidence.
It's like a greedy little demon that munches on your ego and self-esteem.
Whenever you get a new piece and search it on Youtube, you can find a toddler playing it. And sometimes, they're playing it better than you.

Want an example? Here's one. This is the song I'm currently learning.
She's five years old.


Don't get me wrong.
The violin is a wonderful instrument and it's capable of producing a beautiful tone and even better music.
But only if you're willing to suffer through a few years of torturous high-pitched squealing.

Me being Asian doesn't help my case either.
It's a stereotype that all of us are heavenly at violin.
Well, some of us aren't.
Sorry.

If I knew this was going to happen, I would have learned the bagpipes.
Or the tuba.
Or some weird instrument that nobody knows about.
Anything but the violin. 

arachnophobia.

Arachnophobia (əˌræknəˈfəʊbɪə) —noun An abnormal fear or spiders.

As cliché as it may sound, I am genuinely scared of spiders.
For my entire life, I've been trying to conquer my fear before my fear conquers me.
And I'm pretty sure that that's a famous quote, so write that down.

But apparently I haven't done a good job of fear-conquering.
Because somehow a spider had managed to crawl onto my bathroom ceiling.
And I screamed.
It wasn't your ordinary, run of the mill scream.
But a full blown, girl-in-a-horror-movie scream.
And everyone heard me.
Everyone as in my parents, the stray cat, and several neighboring countries.

And the spider, Warren, let's call him Warren.
When I stopped to breathe from my scream, Warren was gone.
Gone.
Gone as in vanished.
Gone as in it's not in my visible view. 
Which means Warren is somewhere else in my room, creeping along with his demonic little legs.


I really don't think I'll be able to get any sleep tonight.

a quick lesson on the eating habits of cows.

Today I spent an hour explaining why cows don't drink milk.

I seriously don't understand why this is a problem.
Cows drink water. Not milk.
Water.

Cows produce milk.
As in it comes out of their udder. Therefore, they do not drink it.
They drink water.

I will repeat it as many times as it takes for people to understand.
Because it's frustrating when people don't even know their basic cow information.

If they can't comprehend the concept of cows drinking water, how will I be able to trust them with the future of the country?
How will I be able to trust them handling my bank account in twenty years?

I don't think I'm capable of doing that.

allergies will be the death of me.

I hate spring.
Because spring equates to allergies.
And I hate allergies.
I hate allergies with a fiery passion that easily could bring down a healthy male bull.


... did I mention that I hate allergies? 

i hate reading lots of words.

Ever since I've graduated from elementary school, I've gotten a habit of skipping large paragraphs of text when I'm reading.
I always feel a little bit intimidated when I see line after line after line after line after line of words.
It's gotten to a point where I can't even read some books properly.
If I don't get into the book, I'll flip through a couple pages for an interesting part.

Then I got this English teacher in 7th grade.
Her tests were mainly based on the little details in the novel.
Like, some of her questions were like "What color was the protagonist's shirt in Chapter 12?"
You probably thinking I'm joking, but I'm not.
I failed English that year.

Also, because of my fear of paragraphs, I've gotten into a habit of making linebreaks at almost every period.
Have you noticed that?  Most of my posts don't have proper paragraphs.

They're
always
typed
like
this.

And this is so hard to explain. I can't just go up to my teachers, and be like

"Hey, I hate reading paragraphs, so can I skip every few pages and only actually read half of the assigned book? Thanks!" 

This post probably makes no sense at all.
I just read this entire thing over, and I don't even get it.

And I wrote it myself.
Maybe this is another issue I need to look into.

saturday morning.

It's one of those days.
One where you wake up and don't feel like doing anything.

I need to clean my room cause it's a dump.
I need to finish my homework.
I need to write three essays.
I need to vacuum the carpets.
I need to practice the bassoon and violin.
I need to call my friends to confirm plans for tomorrow.

And I'm sore as hell because of yesterday's swim practice.
So I guess I'm going to open my laptop and listen to some screamo. And you know hard it is to concentrate when there's some death metal guy screaming in your face?
It's hard.

I need some coffee. Badly.
With lots of cream and sugar.
Must. Drink. Caffeine. 

the worst feeling in the world.

... is when you just finish shoveling for three hours, then look up, and it's starting to snow again.

Ugh.