my jackson pollock of thoughts.

I hope you understand the title.
It's because Jackson Pollock did splatter paint, and now I'm just going to vomit everything I've been thinking.
Sorry for that mental image.

I've feel like I've been doing these talk-about-anything posts more often.
Probably because there's no school, so naturally I haven't been thinking as much as I normally do.
And a side effect of that loss of thinking, is I'm less motivated to do anything.

Summer's been nice because I've been lazy.
Get up, eat, and then go to swim practice. Get home, eat some more and then go to bed.

I've been reading a lot.
As in sitting in my chair and not moving for a couple hours. Except to turn the pages.
But I wouldn't classify that under "movement".

I finished Room yesterday. 
It was probably the most unique book that I've ever read.
Mainly because the narrator is five years old. It's not five years old in the sense that the vocabulary is limited to words like "happy", "sad" and "poopy". But it's his innocence and his perspective that makes it a good read.
I would highly recommend it. 

I'm not sure if you care to know, but I did my laundry yesterday.
Since it's the summer and I don't go out much, I haven't been worrying about outfits and seeming put together.
Instead, I've worn virtually every piece of clothing I own. I thought that this was clever of me, because I'd always be wearing clean clothes, and I didn't have to do my laundry every week.
But on the last few days, I've been wearing my ratty oversized soccer jerseys from 5th grade and these ridiculous knee high socks since nothing else was clean.
And then I realized I had to do my laundry.
And wash everything.

I had to do five loads.
It was the most work I did this summer.

i'm a bookworm and proud of it.

I freaking love the library.
At the one I go to, there's a huge bookshelf solely for the purpose of displaying books that are for sale.
And although it looks like a regurgitated mess of paper, they have tons of good ones in there.

They also cost a dollar per book.
A dollar per book.
And they're not old or water damaged either.
They look like they're almost new.
And they're a DOLLAR EACH.
I still can't get over it.

When you go to Barnes & Noble or Borders, an average paperback costs about 12 dollars.
At the library, I can buy 12 books for the price of one.
I feel like an endless amount of possibilities have just revealed themselves to me. 

I got eight books.
Including The Kite Runner and The Lovely Bones.
I've been wanting to read them for so long, but I could just never get my hands on a copy.
And now I own them.
Plus six other great books.

This is going to be a great summer.

birthdays & summer.

Tomorrow is my friend's birthday.
His name is Ben.
I didn't want to make him a cake, so I made him a sandwich.
Because that's what friends do.
They make each other sandwiches.
[insert sexist joke about women making sandwiches here]

All jokes aside, finals are over. Done. El fin.
I feel burned out like a piece of unfortunate charred barbeque.
At least it's summer now.
And I'm looking forward to sleeping all day like a champ. 

Maybe I'll get out of bed and do some community service.
I have an interview at the hospital on Tuesday.
Volunteering there sounds pretty fun.

I think I'm going to take another nap because my head is spinning and I can't concentrate.
Thank you for tolerating me.
But don't worry, I'm not high on anything.
Deuces.

skinny.

I hate the need to be skinny.
I hate how people believe that in order to be pretty, you have to be morbidly underweight.
I hate it.

A few hundred years ago, being overweight was considered attractive. 
It was a sign that you had enough money to feed yourself.
Which isn't a problem now, so now the image of "pretty" is a skinny girl with thin legs and arms. 

Being too skinny makes people look scrawny, weak and unhealthy.
The reason why anyone would willingly choose to look like that, I have no idea.

The main thing I don't get is someone losing drastic amounts of weight to impress someone.
As in starving themselves to get a boy to look at her.
Why would anyone do that?
If you can't love yourself, how can you expect somebody else to?

I know that in your eyes, I'm probably just another teenager prattling on and on about my various beliefs and convictions.
But this is a topic something I will never change my mind on.

I understand that anorexia and other eating disorders are serious topics.
But I think that if you have the confidence in yourself, you can prevent these things from happening. You need to have the mental strength to ignore other people telling you what to do and what you should look like.

But weight loss can be healthy.
My dad is about sixty pounds overweight, and our family is worried about his health.
So we're trying to get him to eat healthier and we signed him up for a gym membership. This way, he can lose those pounds without starving himself.

My main point is that you shouldn't obsessively worry about your body image. Don't ever harm yourself in order to be what you think is perfect.
Because it's not worth it.

I'm 5'5, and I weigh 127 pounds.
I'm not underweight, nor am I overweight.
I'm happy about who I am, and I don't obsess over every bit of food I put in my mouth.
I no longer care how big my butt looks or how fat my thighs are.
I'm able to indulge on a bag of chips or an ice cream sundae without beating myself over it.
Because if someone chooses not to talk to me because of my size, then that person wouldn't be worth my time anyway.
And that person wouldn't be worth yours either.

i never want to be an artist.

Well, it's been a while.
I haven't blogged in about a week. And it's feels so much longer than that. 

I'm almost done with finals.
I just have to do a presentation on Kansinsky for English. (For more information on my English final, click here.)
And now I can say honestly that I never want to be an artist when I grow up. Never.

Painting this picture was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
For one, I picked Kandinsky because I thought he only painted pictures like this:

But he actually mainly painted pictures like this:

See the difference?
So this wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.

Now this is my painting.

It's no Picasso, but it's the best that I can do.
I had to stretch every bit of my creative abilities to paint what's up there.
Which might give you a hint of exactly how little artistic talent I have.

So yeah.
I'll be back to my frequent posting once I get out of school.
Which is June 20th.
Save the date.

Now I'm going to go read all the blogs posts I missed.
So be expecting my comments.

impending doom.

One word. FINALS. 
I think I might cry.

I've been procrastinating all year, somehow hoping that if I closed my eyes long enough they would go away.
Well, they haven't.

And I know that I have to pass all my classes or else I won't get accepted to a good college and then I won't get accepted into a good law school and I'll end up flipping hamburgers at McDonald's until I die a miserable death.
So in other words, I'm screwed.

And instead of a written English final this year, the department decided to something a little "different". The concept is that we research an artist and then create a piece with the artist's stylistic traits.
Which means that I have paint a picture in order to pass English.

So today, I did some research and chose Kandinsky. He's basically this guy who quit law school to paint and eventually married his cousin. 
I picked him because he did abstract art which mainly consisted of circles.
He also used oil paints.

We're supposed to use the same materials our artists used to make things more realistic.
I wanted to use my Crayola washable paint from fifth grade, but when I asked if I could use it, my teacher gave me the stink eye.
And I assumed that equated to a no.

Which means I have to go out and buy some expensive canvas and then go buy some more expensive oil paints and then go buy some expensive paintbrush.
And then I have to go home and then draw some circles and hope it looks like a masterpiece.
And knowing my artistic ability, it won't.

Also, because of finals I won't be posting as much as I've used to.
And I'll probably be too busy oil painting circles to get on the computer anyway.

But if it doesn't turn out too bad, I'll take a picture of it and post it here. So you can enjoy my hard work.
You're welcome.

a few blogging pointers.

I feel like I've been around long enough.
So here's a nice big list of pointers from me and a few other bloggers.
Hope it helps!

1. You WILL get better. I promise.
When you start, don't expect to be automatically good at it. It takes a while to develop a unique style and voice in your writing.
But if you stick with it, you'll improve.

2. Readers are more important than Followers.
I know it's tempting to do the whole "Follow me and I'll follow you" jazz, but it's really not worth it. People who follow you through that, might not actually read what you write. And don't expect them to comment either.
Don't get discouraged. People will follow you if they like what you have to say.

3. It's alright to be a bit different.
I've admitted things on my blog that I would've never told anyone in person.
I've found that bloggers embrace uniqueness. It makes things they post more interesting.

4. Write because you want to write. 
There's no point putting in the effort of blogging if you don't actually enjoy doing it.
Don't do it only because you think it's going to get you famous or make you rich. Most people who write because of that quit after the first few months.
Blog for yourself. Do it because you genuinely like doing it.

5. Comment on other blogs.
People aren't going to find your blog just because you want them to. It just won't happen.
If you want to get noticed, make an effort to go blog hopping. Look at other blogs that you like and make relevant comments. This gets your link out in the open, and will get more people to look at your writing.

we could have had it ALLLL.

Adele, you are amazing.

I love her voice and how it has this lovely rich tone to it.
I'm a huge music snob, but her songs leave me breathless. She not over-processed like the artificially flavored stuff that's on the charts.
She's a person who just possesses raw talent.
When I listen to her, I get this feeling that everything comes from her heart and she really means what she's singing.

And you may have noticed that she's a bit bigger than other singers.
I think that it takes a lot of courage to live in a world filled with skinny models and still be able to hold your head high and continue to sing your heart out.
Could I do that? Would I be able to stomach the feeling of just being a couple pounds heavier than everyone around me?
I don't think I could.
In that way, Adele is a huge role model to me, in the way she's able to maintain her confidence and dignity.




She's beautiful and amazing.
And I think she deserves every bit of fame she's gotten.