cats and classical music.

A few days ago, I was walking to our town library.
Whenever I take a walk, I think about everything and absolutely nothing at all. My thinking process is basically me making small talk with myself.
And I realized that I changed a lot over the last few years.

I think the biggest change is that I've started to really appreciate classical music. I used to to think that it was really boring and reserved for old people, but then I joined an intense wind ensemble. Never in my life have I been around people who appreciated music quite like they did.
I was swept along with this huge classical-music current and started to listen to it.

I showed a recording that I really liked to one of my old friends. I can't quite remember which one it was, but I thought it was fascinating. He laughed and said that I was being brainwashed.
And I don't know if that was directed as an insult, but that really hit home.

I'm not ashamed of listening to classical music.
I just don't know if it's something I should openly share or not. I know that most people in my school don't even think about it as a type of "good" music and I'm really not up the challenge of trying to argue against years upon years of teenage culture.

...I'm not really sure where I'm going with this.
Maybe I'm trying to say that I'm trying to figure out what things I should share with others and what I shouldn't.
But then again, I really don't want to put a censor on my words.
I think that if someone wants to listen to me, they should have to deal with the fact that I do nerdy things.

This post has just turned into a trainwreck of conflicting thoughts, so I'm going to end it before my writing morphs into something about goats or whatever.

It's way too late but I accidentally had coffee an hour ago.
I'm basically fueled on caffeine with nothing to do.
I could either write a blog post or watch videos of cats, which I will probably do once I publish this.
Of course, I could study, but it's Friday and I never do work on Friday. I'm more of a cram-on-Sunday-night type of person.

And while I'm on this tangent, I'd like to let you know that I learned to juggle.
I found three juggling balls under my bed and I basically learned to juggle them when I should have been writing a History essay.

I really need to work on my time management.

a post about friends.

I have two really good childhood friends. Their names are Carl and Benny.
And we're really, really, really close.
At least, we WERE close.
We were always together throughout middle school and for a part of high school.
We would talk about Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and we all had common interests.
But lately, we just haven't seen each other. None of us has made an effort to make contact either.

Carl is a huge drama geek. He's the one that I mainly want to talk about.
He's an amazing person. He really is.
But it's getting difficult to have a conversation with him. We used to be able to talk hours and hours on end about absolutely everything and nothing at all. We made each other laugh, and we made each other mad too, but we always managed to tough it out together, no matter what happened.

Now when I see him, I have trouble making small talk, simply because I haven't seen him in so long.
And I never have trouble with small talk. I might not be good at a lot of things, but little, unimportant discussions is something I'm actually good at doing.

And now it's so awkward.
I mean, we both knew almost everything about each other.
I know that he idolizes Dwight from The Office and can quote anything from the show, especially when it involved Jim's pranks.
There was one time when I correctly named every shirt he owned, just because we were around each other so much.
If he was in front of me, I could tell if it was Carl or not because I knew the way that he walked.

Now when I see him, wearing a shirt I've never seen before, which is normally a reference to something I've never heard of, it's really weird.
I can't even converse properly with him, which used to be a given.
It's unsettling.

I need to work on communicating with him more. Maybe that would fix this.
Or maybe not.
We're both really awkward people.

i'm back! (sort of)

Hi everyone, it's been a while!
Do you remember me? If you don't even know who I am, or are seeing this on your dashboard and wondering who I was and where I went, let me fill you in.

I'm Fiona.
I'm a bit of an introverted, awkward nerd.
I like using big words because it makes me sound smarter than I actually am. But don't worry, it's just the thesaurus talking.

And now where was I?

Inside a time warp I call,

The world of high school.

                                               (What you read just now was an excellent haiku. )

But all jokes aside, I've been extremely busy. 

College is a looming, dark cloud that is fast approaching and I realized that I needed to start doing more things out of school in order to get accepted into a good one.

And juggling everything is, in short, brutal.
Somehow, I've managed to get straight A's, but everything is getting increasingly more demanding.
Meaning, my schedule is getting tighter and tighter.
Meaning, the amount of time I can spend looking at cute videos of kittens and reading Socially Awkward Penguin is drastically decreasing.
I've been decreasing the procrastination, so that's helped.

So yeah.
That is my very long and elaborate excuse to why I haven't been posting.

Also, I don't have as much time as I'd like for bloghopping. Of course, I might be able to find some time in the weekends, but I do want to follow some new blogs.
It would help a lot if you could give the link(s) to your blog or a blog you think I should read. If you have a good blog, I'm sure that I would eventually find it, but a direct link would save some time. I won't follow each and every link I receive, but I WILL take a look and probably comment. 
I know this a bit selfish of me to ask for this, but please pardon it just this once! (:

Also, as a warning, I might disappear again for a while, but it's not because I've been eaten by a mythical creature, but my extreme workload has basically caught up to me.

i'm feeling negative today.

I'm in a bad mood and I need to rant.
So I'm basically going to prattle off everything that's annoying me right now. I need to let out this negative energy or else I'm going to take it out on someone.
And whenever I get irrationally mad at a person, I feel bad for weeks. So I'm going to make an effort to reduce the damage I cause.
Here I go.

I hate it when girls think it's cool to casually use their middle finger.
Am I the only one who notices? I feel like in every picture I see, a girl is flipping off the camera. And not only is it rude and disrespectful, it's ridiculous.
Honestly, why would you do such a thing? What are you accomplishing using your middle finger and shoving it in front of a camera lens?
Oh that's right.
YOU ARE ACCOMPLISHING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
You think doing this makes yourself seem like a rebel that shows a flagrant contempt of authority. You think you're a free spirit. You think that nobody can label you because you're so cool.
Well, you are wrong.
It makes you look like just another dumb teenager that doesn't have an ounce of respect.
And you should be ashamed of yourself.

I hate snobby people.
Just because you're good at one particular sport, or your daddy is richer than everyone else, does not make you the ruler of the freaking earth.
So stop talking behind my back because I'm not wearing the same $200 dollar jeans as you. And stop giving me dirty looks because I actually make an effort to get good grades so I can succeed in twenty years.
You are a human being. Just like everyone else.
So ditch that "I am better than you" mentality and make an effort to talk to the other human beings. Because if you gave them a chance, you might actually like them.

That's really all that I wanted to say.
Wow. I just reread all of that and I feel like a horrible person.

& about my previous post about the haircut, I've read all your comments. And thank you so much for all of your feedback. I haven't had much time lately, but I definitely will eventually respond to all of them.
And comment on all the blog posts I've missed.
I've fallen so behind it's making me depressed.

And I'd also like to thank everyone for the awards.
You have no idea how much it means to me.
I'll also do an awards post when I get the time.

So.... yeah.
I feel a bit better now. (:
Thanks for putting up with me.

short hair.

I cut my hair.
I did it.
And I ended up going a lot shorter than the pictures I posted in here. 
But I'm glad I decided to.
I really am.

And without further ado, here's my gloriously delicious face with short hair. (Hah.)

Edit: I removed my picture because I suddenly got a wash of paranoia that somebody would come and stalk me.

My head feels so much lighter. You'd think that a few inches of dead protein wouldn't weigh a lot, but believe me. You don't realize just how much it is until it's gone.
Also, washing and styling my hair has gotten a lot easier.
I use a lot less shampoo and conditioner, and I don't even have to straighten my hair to get it to behave anymore. At most, I comb through some molding wax to get my bangs to stay in their place.
It's amazing.

The only downside to this, is that I'm sometimes mistaken as a boy.
It gets irritating, but I think that it would be obnoxious if I complained, since it was my own decision to cut my hair off.
Besides, it's only to be expected, since short hair is almost always a "boy thing".

But all in all, I love love love it.
And to anyone who is on the edge of the decision of whether to take the dive and cut their hair off, I would do it.
But then again, this isn't something to just do on a whim, because it would take years to grow back.

However, I didn't regret this at all.
And I think I'm going to keep it at this length for a very long time.

HARRYPOTTERHARRYPOTTER.

 ** Warning, contains minor spoilers.

I SAW THE HARRY POTTER MOVIE.

I know I'm pretty late, because it came out more than a week ago.
I saw it yesterday, and wow. It was so good.
The whole movie mainly consisted of fight scenes. I normally don't like that in a movie, because I enjoy seeing something with a complicated plotline.
But for this, it worked.

It's probably because it's the finale and everything, so it had to end with a bang.
And end with a bang it did.
I was on the edge of my seat the whole time.
But because I had to go to the 3D showing, (The tickets for the normal one was sold out) when I started crying I had to take off the glasses to wipe my eyes.
And it's hard trying to watch a movie, wipe tears away, and clean 3D glasses while simultaneously sobbing your eyes out.

I'm the type of person you don't want to sit next to in a theater.
When I watch a movie, I laugh in all the wrong places and I talk to myself.

There was this one thing that Voldemort said, and I thought it was hilarious.
It was when Harry went to the Forbidden Forest to go get killed.
And then He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named said, (If I remember correctly) "The boy who lived, come to die."
I thought that was hysterical.
I tried to contain it, but I ended up bursting out laughing.
I just thought that if I was Voldemort, the to-be conqueror of the world, I wouldn't pick something as ridiculous as that to say.
It sounds almost smug and petty.
It's as if he's saying, "I'm going to kill you. Again. Because you lived the first time I tried. So yeah."
I think I'm the only one who thinks that's funny.

And if there was an MVP of the movie, it would have been Neville.
He was just plain heroic.
But I think it was sad how didn't really have a big role in the movies. He was just "one of the classmates".
He was always one of my favorites, second only to Fred and George.

It was an amazing movie. The ending of it was good too.
THE DADDY HARRY GREW STUBBLE. <3

And that concludes my geeking session.
It all ends.

Did anyone get that?
Since it says "It All Ends" on the HP7 promotional posters?
LOL I'M SO FUNNY.

.... ok I'll leave now.

an ode to the elderly.

I love old people.

No, it's not some weird sexual fetish that I developed. You may think that comment wasn't necessary, but when I told some people that I love the elderly, this is exactly how they interpreted it.
This is either a common reaction, or I need to get new friends.
But either way, I want to avoid a misunderstanding.

There are some people that hate old people.
They complain that they have wrinkles, they're slow, bitter, and they talk too much.
But I think that makes them cute.

I love seeing elderly couples that hold hands.
You might call it weird or gross, but I think it's amazing that love can last for over fifty years.
And my inner-romantic hopes that one day, that would be me.

And have you ever talked to one of them?
Because they've seen so many years go by, their wisdom is just staggering. Every time my grandpa opens his mouth, I feel like I've gained a generation's worth of knowledge.

Finally, their wrinkles.
I don't know why people get plastic surgery to prevent them. I think they're beautiful.
Whenever they smile, I can't help but smile back.
It's like a Contagious Elderly Spirit of Joy.
The C.E.S.J for short.

So thank you, senior citizens.
Thank you for putting up with teenagers and kicking us off your lawn.
Because we deserve it.
And in fifty years I'll hopefully join you all, and we can all talk about meaningful topics to share an endless amount of wisdom gained from our lengthy lives.

Keep being awesome. 

mia.

I haven't been on Blogger lately. Eleven days, if you want to get picky.
Mainly it's because I don't know what to talk about.

No, that's a lie.
I have lots of things I want to talk about. But I feel like none of them are good enough for a blog post.
So I started writing a diary again.

Yes, a diary.
I wrote one when I was in 3rd grade, but I mainly talked about how boys had cooties.
But now, it's actually kind of comforting to write in it.
It's nice to know that I'm the one who's going to read it, and nobody's going to judge me. 

And I think I just need to get over that fear.
I'm always afraid of being judged. Or labeled.
That's why I try to be as different as possible.
So people can't throw me in a bin of people they think are "jocks" or "scene".

I know this is extremely cliche.
So if you're rolling your eyes while reading this, sorry.
But that's just who I am.

I don't really know where I'm going with this.
But in a nutshell, I'm just letting everyone know that I'm back, and I will make an honest effort to post more often.
So... yeah.
I'm done rambling.

pondering.

I want to cut my hair. Short.
Because I need a change.
And because I've been a bit lacking in the confidence department lately.
I think that chopping it off will help me feel more... out there, since I won't be able to hide behind my curtains of hair anymore.

I'm probably going to get something like these.
Your opinions would be super awesome.

I know this is a huge decision, so I'm still thinking about it.
But I'm 80% sure that it's going to happen.

... and that is why we wear helmets.

What people think is acceptable and what isn't never fails to confuse me.
People tell large people to go out and lose weight, but they still complain when they're on the treadmill next to them at the gym. In many states, first cousins are allowed to marry, but members of the same sex aren't.

And when I have my helmet on, I can't ride my bike halfway across town without being stared at.
I don't understand how the concept of bike helmets has become so ridiculously foreign that seeing a teenage girl wear one is like seeing a turtle outswim Micheal Phelps.

Why is this so weird?
I'm being safe.
So in case I fall and bash my head against the pavement, my helmet will protect my brains from spilling.
I apologize for that graphic image, but I felt it was necessary to prove my point.

And to all you adolescent boys who think riding your bike with no helmet is the coolest thing since sliced bread:
Have fun tripping over a rock, and ending up paralyzed for the rest of your life because you didn't want to wear a helmet. Because they're not "cool".

But I'm sure that paying thousands in medical bills for the rest of your life is cool too. Especially since it could have been all avoided with a cheap $10 biking helmet from Target.
Gosh, that's the coolest thing ever.

-----------

On a side note, (I know this is long overdue) but if you could vote for me as a Top Kid Blogger, it would mean the world to me.
If I had my way, every time someone voted, I would send a bouncing leprechaun their way armed with rainbows and a pot of gold.
But since I don't hoard leprechauns in my basement, nor do I have spare pots of gold, you'll have to settle with this small paragraph of thanks.
So, thank you for putting up with me. And for supporting me.
And for giving me all these warm sentimental feelings.

To vote, click here or that handy big pink circle on the sidebar.

when sounding like a dying duck pays off.

Today I got a letter.
And it said that I got accepted into a wind ensemble on bassoon.
WHHAAAAAATTTTT.

That means that I didn't mess up my audition as much as I thought I did.
I completely bombed my E flat scale, but I guess it wasn't that big of a deal.
I'M SO HAPPY ABDLKJLBWEGLVKJSFKDSFJ.

If you're not sure what a bassoon is, it looks like this.

It's big. Very big. It's almost as tall as me.

I started playing it six months ago, and I sounded like a dying duck that was having gas problems.
It was awful. The first day of band, everyone stared at me because I sounded so incredibly bad. Like, everyone was playing this song, and then in the middle I managed to create this horrid monster of a note that clashed against everything.
It's as if I summoned a giant, ten-foot troll that stomped all over the garden of pansies that was music.
Did you like that analogy? Yeah, I liked it too. 

And when I was practicing at home, my parents would excuse themselves from the house because they couldn't stand the sound of it.
It was humiliating. 

But I kept going.
And it payed off because I don't sound like a duck anymore. Somewhat.
People still laugh at me, but I want to be good enough when I get back to school, that it blows their minds.
Then I'll have that self satisfaction of being better than them in the course of a few months.

I'm such a band geek. I love it.

my jackson pollock of thoughts.

I hope you understand the title.
It's because Jackson Pollock did splatter paint, and now I'm just going to vomit everything I've been thinking.
Sorry for that mental image.

I've feel like I've been doing these talk-about-anything posts more often.
Probably because there's no school, so naturally I haven't been thinking as much as I normally do.
And a side effect of that loss of thinking, is I'm less motivated to do anything.

Summer's been nice because I've been lazy.
Get up, eat, and then go to swim practice. Get home, eat some more and then go to bed.

I've been reading a lot.
As in sitting in my chair and not moving for a couple hours. Except to turn the pages.
But I wouldn't classify that under "movement".

I finished Room yesterday. 
It was probably the most unique book that I've ever read.
Mainly because the narrator is five years old. It's not five years old in the sense that the vocabulary is limited to words like "happy", "sad" and "poopy". But it's his innocence and his perspective that makes it a good read.
I would highly recommend it. 

I'm not sure if you care to know, but I did my laundry yesterday.
Since it's the summer and I don't go out much, I haven't been worrying about outfits and seeming put together.
Instead, I've worn virtually every piece of clothing I own. I thought that this was clever of me, because I'd always be wearing clean clothes, and I didn't have to do my laundry every week.
But on the last few days, I've been wearing my ratty oversized soccer jerseys from 5th grade and these ridiculous knee high socks since nothing else was clean.
And then I realized I had to do my laundry.
And wash everything.

I had to do five loads.
It was the most work I did this summer.

i'm a bookworm and proud of it.

I freaking love the library.
At the one I go to, there's a huge bookshelf solely for the purpose of displaying books that are for sale.
And although it looks like a regurgitated mess of paper, they have tons of good ones in there.

They also cost a dollar per book.
A dollar per book.
And they're not old or water damaged either.
They look like they're almost new.
And they're a DOLLAR EACH.
I still can't get over it.

When you go to Barnes & Noble or Borders, an average paperback costs about 12 dollars.
At the library, I can buy 12 books for the price of one.
I feel like an endless amount of possibilities have just revealed themselves to me. 

I got eight books.
Including The Kite Runner and The Lovely Bones.
I've been wanting to read them for so long, but I could just never get my hands on a copy.
And now I own them.
Plus six other great books.

This is going to be a great summer.

birthdays & summer.

Tomorrow is my friend's birthday.
His name is Ben.
I didn't want to make him a cake, so I made him a sandwich.
Because that's what friends do.
They make each other sandwiches.
[insert sexist joke about women making sandwiches here]

All jokes aside, finals are over. Done. El fin.
I feel burned out like a piece of unfortunate charred barbeque.
At least it's summer now.
And I'm looking forward to sleeping all day like a champ. 

Maybe I'll get out of bed and do some community service.
I have an interview at the hospital on Tuesday.
Volunteering there sounds pretty fun.

I think I'm going to take another nap because my head is spinning and I can't concentrate.
Thank you for tolerating me.
But don't worry, I'm not high on anything.
Deuces.

skinny.

I hate the need to be skinny.
I hate how people believe that in order to be pretty, you have to be morbidly underweight.
I hate it.

A few hundred years ago, being overweight was considered attractive. 
It was a sign that you had enough money to feed yourself.
Which isn't a problem now, so now the image of "pretty" is a skinny girl with thin legs and arms. 

Being too skinny makes people look scrawny, weak and unhealthy.
The reason why anyone would willingly choose to look like that, I have no idea.

The main thing I don't get is someone losing drastic amounts of weight to impress someone.
As in starving themselves to get a boy to look at her.
Why would anyone do that?
If you can't love yourself, how can you expect somebody else to?

I know that in your eyes, I'm probably just another teenager prattling on and on about my various beliefs and convictions.
But this is a topic something I will never change my mind on.

I understand that anorexia and other eating disorders are serious topics.
But I think that if you have the confidence in yourself, you can prevent these things from happening. You need to have the mental strength to ignore other people telling you what to do and what you should look like.

But weight loss can be healthy.
My dad is about sixty pounds overweight, and our family is worried about his health.
So we're trying to get him to eat healthier and we signed him up for a gym membership. This way, he can lose those pounds without starving himself.

My main point is that you shouldn't obsessively worry about your body image. Don't ever harm yourself in order to be what you think is perfect.
Because it's not worth it.

I'm 5'5, and I weigh 127 pounds.
I'm not underweight, nor am I overweight.
I'm happy about who I am, and I don't obsess over every bit of food I put in my mouth.
I no longer care how big my butt looks or how fat my thighs are.
I'm able to indulge on a bag of chips or an ice cream sundae without beating myself over it.
Because if someone chooses not to talk to me because of my size, then that person wouldn't be worth my time anyway.
And that person wouldn't be worth yours either.

i never want to be an artist.

Well, it's been a while.
I haven't blogged in about a week. And it's feels so much longer than that. 

I'm almost done with finals.
I just have to do a presentation on Kansinsky for English. (For more information on my English final, click here.)
And now I can say honestly that I never want to be an artist when I grow up. Never.

Painting this picture was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
For one, I picked Kandinsky because I thought he only painted pictures like this:

But he actually mainly painted pictures like this:

See the difference?
So this wasn't as easy as I thought it would be.

Now this is my painting.

It's no Picasso, but it's the best that I can do.
I had to stretch every bit of my creative abilities to paint what's up there.
Which might give you a hint of exactly how little artistic talent I have.

So yeah.
I'll be back to my frequent posting once I get out of school.
Which is June 20th.
Save the date.

Now I'm going to go read all the blogs posts I missed.
So be expecting my comments.

impending doom.

One word. FINALS. 
I think I might cry.

I've been procrastinating all year, somehow hoping that if I closed my eyes long enough they would go away.
Well, they haven't.

And I know that I have to pass all my classes or else I won't get accepted to a good college and then I won't get accepted into a good law school and I'll end up flipping hamburgers at McDonald's until I die a miserable death.
So in other words, I'm screwed.

And instead of a written English final this year, the department decided to something a little "different". The concept is that we research an artist and then create a piece with the artist's stylistic traits.
Which means that I have paint a picture in order to pass English.

So today, I did some research and chose Kandinsky. He's basically this guy who quit law school to paint and eventually married his cousin. 
I picked him because he did abstract art which mainly consisted of circles.
He also used oil paints.

We're supposed to use the same materials our artists used to make things more realistic.
I wanted to use my Crayola washable paint from fifth grade, but when I asked if I could use it, my teacher gave me the stink eye.
And I assumed that equated to a no.

Which means I have to go out and buy some expensive canvas and then go buy some more expensive oil paints and then go buy some expensive paintbrush.
And then I have to go home and then draw some circles and hope it looks like a masterpiece.
And knowing my artistic ability, it won't.

Also, because of finals I won't be posting as much as I've used to.
And I'll probably be too busy oil painting circles to get on the computer anyway.

But if it doesn't turn out too bad, I'll take a picture of it and post it here. So you can enjoy my hard work.
You're welcome.

a few blogging pointers.

I feel like I've been around long enough.
So here's a nice big list of pointers from me and a few other bloggers.
Hope it helps!

1. You WILL get better. I promise.
When you start, don't expect to be automatically good at it. It takes a while to develop a unique style and voice in your writing.
But if you stick with it, you'll improve.

2. Readers are more important than Followers.
I know it's tempting to do the whole "Follow me and I'll follow you" jazz, but it's really not worth it. People who follow you through that, might not actually read what you write. And don't expect them to comment either.
Don't get discouraged. People will follow you if they like what you have to say.

3. It's alright to be a bit different.
I've admitted things on my blog that I would've never told anyone in person.
I've found that bloggers embrace uniqueness. It makes things they post more interesting.

4. Write because you want to write. 
There's no point putting in the effort of blogging if you don't actually enjoy doing it.
Don't do it only because you think it's going to get you famous or make you rich. Most people who write because of that quit after the first few months.
Blog for yourself. Do it because you genuinely like doing it.

5. Comment on other blogs.
People aren't going to find your blog just because you want them to. It just won't happen.
If you want to get noticed, make an effort to go blog hopping. Look at other blogs that you like and make relevant comments. This gets your link out in the open, and will get more people to look at your writing.

we could have had it ALLLL.

Adele, you are amazing.

I love her voice and how it has this lovely rich tone to it.
I'm a huge music snob, but her songs leave me breathless. She not over-processed like the artificially flavored stuff that's on the charts.
She's a person who just possesses raw talent.
When I listen to her, I get this feeling that everything comes from her heart and she really means what she's singing.

And you may have noticed that she's a bit bigger than other singers.
I think that it takes a lot of courage to live in a world filled with skinny models and still be able to hold your head high and continue to sing your heart out.
Could I do that? Would I be able to stomach the feeling of just being a couple pounds heavier than everyone around me?
I don't think I could.
In that way, Adele is a huge role model to me, in the way she's able to maintain her confidence and dignity.




She's beautiful and amazing.
And I think she deserves every bit of fame she's gotten.

heat.

So, I haven't been updating as much as I'd like to.
Simply put, the weather has been too hot for my taste.
Way. Too. Hot.

I don't hate a lot of things.
But I can't STAND heat.
I'm the type of person who likes to have at least three layers of clothing on at all times.
I like the cold. It makes me happy.
And to be suddenly flung into 90 degree weather, well, I'm suffering a bit.

I've been cranky and annoying and insufferable.
And I feel like I'm sweating out all of my creativity and wit.

All I've wanted to do these past few weeks was sit on the air-conditioning vent.
And we all know how productive that is.

because i'm special like that.

I've always been a person who's been fascinated by little, quirky talents.

Like being able to sing the ABC's backwards.
Or juggling.
Or being able to knit a hat for your dog.
Or being able to lick your elbow.

Plus, I feel like that those would be great conversation starters. 

And now my newest quest is teaching myself to be ambidextrous.
Which by the way, is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
I even had to go to Staples and buy the special extra-big lined paper people use in second grade.
I got a very weird look from the cashier.
Feeling awkward, I made up some bogus excuse about how it was for a class I was teaching.
Which made things even more awkward, because I'm clearly underage.
I'm not applying for a job there anytime soon.

So yeah.
That's what is currently going on in my life.
Feel free to tell me what's going on in yours. Especially if it's interesting.
Traveling to Australia and adopting a koala is a good example.

why i wish i didn't play the violin.

The problem with playing violin is that it eats into your confidence.
It's like a greedy little demon that munches on your ego and self-esteem.
Whenever you get a new piece and search it on Youtube, you can find a toddler playing it. And sometimes, they're playing it better than you.

Want an example? Here's one. This is the song I'm currently learning.
She's five years old.


Don't get me wrong.
The violin is a wonderful instrument and it's capable of producing a beautiful tone and even better music.
But only if you're willing to suffer through a few years of torturous high-pitched squealing.

Me being Asian doesn't help my case either.
It's a stereotype that all of us are heavenly at violin.
Well, some of us aren't.
Sorry.

If I knew this was going to happen, I would have learned the bagpipes.
Or the tuba.
Or some weird instrument that nobody knows about.
Anything but the violin. 

doomsday.

Well, I'm still here.
I guess we all have to wait until 2012 for the world to end.
And if it doesn't happen, historians will still later somehow find another prediction of the apocalypse written on some rock by the ancient Spartans.
Wash, rinse, and repeat.

This way, the thrill never ends.

my character.

Would you like to hear a story?

Once upon a time there was this boy named Ben and this girl named Fiona.
Ben and Fiona happened to be sitting next to each other on the bus. Because Fiona was tired and had a massive headache, she wasn't willing to strike up a gripping conversation with Ben.
But Ben took this personally and called her a loner.
And then Ben proceeded to preach to Fiona about the importance of relationships, and how instead of going home, it would benefit your life more if you went out made friends.
Thoroughly ticked off, Fiona went home, took some Tylenol and then furiously blogged about their encounter.
The end.

Am I a loner? Maybe.
I'm just not someone who puts a priority on friendships.
I put my family as a first.
Then my studies and schoolwork.
Then my extracurricular activities, like swimming and bassoon.
Perhaps after that would come friendships and my relationship with others.
It's quite far down the list.

I'm aware that my beliefs are much different than most people. I'm extremely realistic and frank, almost painfully so.
I know what I'm capable of achieving, and I know when things are out of my reach.

I also very conscious about money.
I don't lust after things I know my family can't afford, so naturally I've learned not to ask.
Because of this, I especially hate people who complain about things they don't have.
I think it's disgusting how all they can think about is themselves, and how they don't realize how lucky they are to be in the position to be able to worry about petty things like that.

I'm sometimes perceived as a nasty person because I don't like to give fake praise.
If someone asks me for their opinion on their work, I will give my truthful thoughts on it. I won't sugarcoat it, or just simply say that it's good.
If I don't like it, I will tell them and say why.
Which nine times out of ten, cause them to get angry at me. Which I don't get.
Don't ask for my honest opinion if you aren't willing to listen to what I have to say.


And that concludes the end of my spiel.
I know that it was chaotic and you probably didn't follow half of my thoughts.
But it feels good to let that out.
I really hope that this post doesn't change how you think about me.

breakfast foods.

I seriously don't understand why it's socially unacceptable to eat ice cream for breakfast, but it's fine for people to have waffles doused in syrup and powdered sugar.
Breakfast is a meal in which you consume so you are not hungry until lunch.
Why does it matter if I want to have cold pizza?
And if I want to have a turkey sandwich with tomatoes and lettuce, I should be able to.

It's not gross.
I'm just filling my belly.
Why does it bother you if I choose to eat something a few hours before the time that you deem acceptable?
I'm just being flexible.

If there are leftovers that need to be eaten, I will will eat them before they spoil.
Therefore I am reducing waste.
Therefore, eating any food for breakfast is practical.
And therefore it is superior than eating solely "breakfast foods".

So there. I win.

arachnophobia.

Arachnophobia (əˌræknəˈfəʊbɪə) —noun An abnormal fear or spiders.

As cliché as it may sound, I am genuinely scared of spiders.
For my entire life, I've been trying to conquer my fear before my fear conquers me.
And I'm pretty sure that that's a famous quote, so write that down.

But apparently I haven't done a good job of fear-conquering.
Because somehow a spider had managed to crawl onto my bathroom ceiling.
And I screamed.
It wasn't your ordinary, run of the mill scream.
But a full blown, girl-in-a-horror-movie scream.
And everyone heard me.
Everyone as in my parents, the stray cat, and several neighboring countries.

And the spider, Warren, let's call him Warren.
When I stopped to breathe from my scream, Warren was gone.
Gone.
Gone as in vanished.
Gone as in it's not in my visible view. 
Which means Warren is somewhere else in my room, creeping along with his demonic little legs.


I really don't think I'll be able to get any sleep tonight.

a quick lesson on the eating habits of cows.

Today I spent an hour explaining why cows don't drink milk.

I seriously don't understand why this is a problem.
Cows drink water. Not milk.
Water.

Cows produce milk.
As in it comes out of their udder. Therefore, they do not drink it.
They drink water.

I will repeat it as many times as it takes for people to understand.
Because it's frustrating when people don't even know their basic cow information.

If they can't comprehend the concept of cows drinking water, how will I be able to trust them with the future of the country?
How will I be able to trust them handling my bank account in twenty years?

I don't think I'm capable of doing that.

bundles of joy.

I got an award from iZaynab and Jodie-Ann.
Which makes me really happy.

Here are the rules:
1. Accept this award with a smile and link to the person who sent it to you. :)
2. Pass this on to five blogs that make you smile.
3. Contact the person somehow to tell them that they have received this award.

And now I pass it on.
I know I might be re-awarding this to some people. So I apologize in advance. 
...Here I go.

1.) the wild dreams of a mid-west teen
Once upon a time, there was this girl named Bianca. She wrote an amazing blog, and it made this girl named Fiona really happy. The end.
But seriously. Go take a look. She's really optimistic, and tells amazing stories. And did I mention that she's a boss at French?

2.) On The Wings of a Bird
This blog is written by Michaela (also known as The Blonde One). And starting off, her layout is the cutest thing ever. Ever. It even has owls as it's background.
She also posts about a plethora of things, from school to fashion to music to crazy old ladies.
And sometimes she talks about her cat. And everyone likes cats.

3.) Cupcakes!!!
I found this blog not too long ago. It's written by this girl named Rachel, and it's one of those hidden gems you rarely find. Don't let the title fool you into thinking it's all about food. Because it's not.
All of her posts are extremely entertaining and amusing. I don't really know how else to put it. I love this blog. So much.

4.) The Usual Shenanigans
I've been following this blog forever. And it's as good as it was four months ago.
It's by Ashley, and she has the most unique personality I've ever seen. She's very bold and says what she wants to say.
And she likes Pokemon. And I like Pokemon too. So me awarding this to her was inevitable.

5.) According to Lo
Lo has the most beautiful writing style that I've ever seen. Her posts are deep and make you think. So, kudos to her.


I really don't have a clever way to end this post.
So I'll awkwardly trail off.
...yeah.

tissues make me happy.

There's a saying out there that says how you can find happiness in the small, little things in life.
And today I found one.
On the description of a tissue box.

This is what it said:

The right touch to turn your day around. Whether you're stuck in a rough patch, feeling under the weather, or just in need of some extra kindness and care, KLEENEX Ultra Soft tissue will pamper you with indulgent softness that lifts your spirits and inspires a smile.

I seriously don't know if I should be amused by just how ridiculous and absurd this is, or impressed by the wordiness.
But the one thing I know is that's the most hardcore tissue description that I've ever seen.


And I can't believe that I just blogged about a tissue box.

that awkward moment when you realize that you're short.

Every year, our school takes a photo of everyone in each grade.
So in homeroom, we had to line up by height. And I was the fifth shortest in my class.
The. Fifth. Shortest.

I refuse to believe that I'm short.
I went to my doctor yesterday, and she told me that I was average in terms of height.
Key word: Average. When did the word average turn into the word short?
Oh, that's right. 
Never.

However, deep in my gut, I know that I'm a bit on the shorter side.
But do I accept it? No I do not.
So right now, I'm in this awkward situation where I'm in denial about being in denial.

One time in the waiting room of the dentist's office, I read this psychology magazine. And there was this article about hypnotism.
It said that in order to convince yourself of something, you should say it to yourself until you fully believe it.

And I've been doing that all day. Trying to convince myself that I'm tall.
I almost crashed into a wall at swim practice because my mind was so wrapped up with the problem of my height.
And I might as well do it now too.
For good measure.


I am tall.
I'm not short. I'm tall.
My height would make Yao Ming jealous and if the Empire State Building could think, it would be jealous too.
You, Fiona, are a boss and you are super tall.


...I think it's working.

day of silence.

Today, I didn't speak at all. At least, I tried not to.
Because today was our school's Day of Silence.
The purpose of this is to raise awareness about the harassment that gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning (GLBTQ) individuals face.
And because of the things they have to deal with, those who are GLBTQ may not be heard.
Which is why some of my peers and I chose not to speak today.

I'm glad that I did it.
But it was hard. Really hard.
And I'm not going to lie and say that I went the entire day without uttering a word.
Because I did need to talk a few times.
... please don't be mad at me.

And it was hard to do the most basic things.
I really needed to use a tissue, but I didn't know where they were.
Because I couldn't ask, I had to suffer through the rest of the class tissue-less.
Which was not fun.

But all in all, it was a good experience for me.
And it definitely raised my awareness about a topic I knew nothing about.
Which was the whole point, wasn't it?

writers block.

I have really bad writers block.
So here are some pictures that I liked. Click on it to view it full sized.

Sorry for the lame post.
I just need to recover my creativity, because it's a bit off these days.
Blame it on the allergies.

environmental things and whatnot.

The earth is important, yes?
Because if we didn't have the earth, we wouldn't be able to sit on beaches and eat carrots. Which is all good stuff.


Today I came across this "My Blog is Carbon Neutral" initiative. (Here's a link.)
And I learned the horrible truth about how every time a blog is viewed, about .02 grams of carbon dioxide is released.
To combat this, the initiative will plant a beautiful new tree in the Plumas National Forest every time a post is featured about it.

Therefore, this post will neutralize the emissions my blog causes.
Which is awesome.
And makes me feel like I did something good.
So it's a win-win all around.

I encourage you to make a post featuring it as well.
So we all can save the earth together.
And continue to enjoy carrots and our days on the beach.

To go with the environmental theme, I recently found this video on Youtube.



And I thought it was amazing.

allergies will be the death of me.

I hate spring.
Because spring equates to allergies.
And I hate allergies.
I hate allergies with a fiery passion that easily could bring down a healthy male bull.


... did I mention that I hate allergies?